There are gruesome details about my life that I didn´t wish to tell anyone not even my own mother.
I wanted to be embraced by the arms of Death. I was so unhappy as a teenager; then again most of us
were at that age. The difference however was that I was half an orphan; my father had died some years
ago and I needed attention. Mother was always too busy to even care. Thus I did stupid things.
There was a neighbor who kept teasing me when I passed by his house; little did I know he secretly liked
me. He was named Danny; a light brown coated horse and a blonde mane. Our families know each other well since we were little but it didn´t mean we were close friends.
When I hit puberty I wasn´t well endowed. I stared in the mirror and asked a hundred times why didn´t I
look the part; I wasn´t any taller and stronger so instead I developed these slender legs and a weary,
raspy tone of voice. It made me an easy target and I hated it. Sometimes I pretended to be sick so I wouldn´t go to school because I knew he was there.
The way Danny looked at me was rather intimidating. One day he came up to me and asked,
"Hey, squirt! How come you don´t have a girlfriend yet?"
I fell silent for a while, "I´m just not into it yet."
"Um, that´s weird," he said, "because most colts do that at this age."
"Well maybe I don´t feel like it."
"Oh really? So when is that gonna happen, never?"
I kept stumbling upon my own words, "I...I didn´t say that!"
"I have a feeling you don´t even like them, do you?"
I became extremely upset and felt like hitting him somehow. He was stronger than I was.
"Stop saying that, you big idiot!"
He smiled maliciously, "Have you ever been kissed?"
"No."
"Do you even know how to kiss?"
I shook my head.
"You know, I could teach you. Such a sweet little guy like you deserves to have attention."
He took me into the barn beside his house; it was empty in the afternoons and his parents were away.
Inside they kept dozens of sacks of oat and there was an evident smell of hay. I sat down while I listened
to every single word that came out of his snout.
"As your ´friend´ I am deeply concerned about your well-being, Bree," he said; that is my real name. "So I
need to shape you into a real colt and not some weakling. Oh, but this is just between you and me; you
have to promise not to tell anyone."
"Alright," I said timidly.
"Close your eyes."
The tension possessed me and my heart beat like a dozen drums. Suddenly I felt his lips touch mine.
"What are you doing?" I said disgusted.
"Do you want to learn or not?!"
He held me tightly and pressed my body against the packs of hay. He used his tongue and I enjoyed it,
was that supposed to be normal? But then he caressed me some more and slowly worked his way down my crotch.
"What?"
"I don´t like this anymore. I´m going," I said.
And as I left as quickly as I could without looking back he shouted, "You better shut your mouth or else,
you wuzz!"
I felt so goddamn humiliated. I went straight to my room and into the tree house that afternoon so Mom
wouldn´t see me cry. She noticed was sad and distant and wondered if there was anything she could
help me with and I simply explained,
"You wouldn´t understand; it´s a guy thing."
That´s right, I decided to build a wall between us. The only one I would let in was my pet, Lilicat. She
didn´t care about any details about my life; to her I was perfect.
"Oh, girl, what am I going to do? My whole world is falling apart. Why did this have to happen to me? I
wish I was dead."
It began to rain. The thunder scared my precious cat and for no reason stepped out and perched on a branch. I tried to reach out and grab her extending my arm.
"Come back inside, please!"
Unfortunately I slipped and fell to the ground landing on my side. I had only the wind messing up my
mane and the wet tall grass.
I had a vision. My father approached me; he looked exactly the same way he did the day he got lost in
the flood wearing a thick gray coat. The trees in the land were dry, presumably dead and it was horrifically cold.
"Oh, son..." he said in a coarse tone of voice, "I am very disappointed; you have failed me."
"No, I haven´t!" I cried.
"Of course you have! I taught you to be a strong and responsible colt, now look at you! It makes me sick.
You´re a mistake and you´re no son of mine!"
"No, please, let me explain, daddy!..."
He disappeared just like that, like a spectre. Along came a floating hooded creature with a large crook; it
smelled like sulfur and ashes and made me nauseated. He had no face but the skull of a goat.
He pointed at me saying, "You...have wished to die!"
"Yes," I answered nervously.
"But you have no control over your life because I decide when you will leave this earth," he said in a very
deep voice. "A noble creature like you deserves better!"
"No, not me! I am strange and look nothing like my peers and I´m a coward."
"In my must humble opinion you´re beautiful, a truly exceptional specimen."
"Please, take me away, I hate my life the way it is!" I cried boldly and stomped the ground.
"A death wish has terrible consequences, don´t you know? If you attempt to take your own life I shall
punish you!"
"How?"
"You will work for me instead."
"Doing what?"
Then when I woke up I was back in my bed and the sunlight flooded the room. I felt a stabbing pain in my
side.
"Don´t try to move so much, Dear," said my mother. "You´ll be alright; luckily you didn´t break anything
but you will need to rest a bit."
"I´m so sorry..." I said sounding weary.
"It was an accident." She sighed, "We haven´t actually talked; are you running away from something?
Whatever it is it can´t just be a "guy thing. I understand that it´s not so easy at this age."
"I know."
"Okay so what is it?"
Mother was a pale rose coated pony with jet black mane and olive-green eyes just like mine. She acted like my best friend and maybe that´s why I didn´t take her so seriously.
"You know Danny, that colt down the street?"
"Yes?"
"I...I think I feel attracted to him."
I thought she would immediately be furious and shocked. Instead she took it surprisingly well.
"Well, if that´s what you feel then there´s nothing I can do about it."
"So you don´t think it´s a bad thing?"
"It´s a part of your nature," she said smiling. "You´re a very pretty colt and you have a lot of love to give.
In time you will find out that it´s your most powerful weapon."
"You´re just saying that because you´re my mom..."
"No," she paused ,"it´s the truth; I raised you well. In time you shall have the world bow down before you. It would be so selfish of me to repress you."
There was something I didn´t like about the way she spoke to me. As long as she didn´t throw me out into the streets I guess it was alright.
Danny´s family moved away a few months later. The reason why they left had nothing to do with our incident. He said goodbye and wished me good luck, that´s all. I was the only one who thought I was doing wrong and instead I got a pat in the back.
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