BABY'S ON FIRE

The following event took place before I went to sleep.

"What's wrong Edith?"

NOTHING'S WRONG WITH ME; IT'S JUST THAT YOU MANAGE TO COMPLICATE SOMETHING SO SIMPLE.

"I think it's the other way around isn't it? Because I need you to be with me on this; if you don't want to then it's fine by me."

FINE? SO YOU CAN HANDLE THINGS FINE WITHOUT ME?

"I'm just giving you some freedom because I can. I wish I could give myself the freedom to do other things but I'm very solicited."

YOU'RE SOLICITED, SO THEN BECAUSE I'M NOT INDISPENSABLE I CAN EASILY WALK AWAY FEELING I NEVER MADE A BIG CHANGE IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE?

"Why are you talking like this? It's so not you."

BECAUSE I DEMAND TO EXIST. I MAY NOT HAVE YOUR TALENTS BUT I DESERVE TO BE NOTICED SOMEHOW.

"What do you mean you don't have TALENT? You're so smart, even smarter than I am; we complement each other, you fill in the gaps, I'd crash without you."

AND IF I DIDN'T DO THIS FOR A LIVING WOULD YOU STILL NEED ME?

"You'd still have that capacity to understand and help people."

AND IF I DIDN'T HAVE IT? DO YOU FEEL THE CONSTANT NEED TO QUESTION EVERYTHING THAT'S UNUSUAL IN YOUR LIFE?

"Isn't that what any ordinary human being does, question the secrets of the universe?"

YEAH, BUT NOT OBSESSIVELY LIKE YOU! I realize that there's great power in what you dream but paying too much attention to it can only end up in a nervous breakdown. But you're not like that, are you? Remember we had this discussion before and you cried?"

"No need to remind me."

THEY'RE JUST FEELINGS, OR CALL IT BOTTLED UP FEELINGS, but the point is that eventually they get resolved when you learn how to identify them correctly. When you misinterpret something and take it literally then you become more anxious and then it starts getting bigger and bigger until it becomes this huge monster.

"That's great and all but I'm not asking you to heal me, honey...I, I just need you to be with me and make this less difficult."

ADRIAN, I THINK IT'S DIFFICULT FOR US TWO. A PART OF YOU HESITATES BUT THE OTHER ONE IS MOVING FORWARD. I MAY JUST FEEL NERVOUS FOR HAVING TO BLEND IN WITH NEW CROWDS.

Why was this becoming such a huge ass of a deal? I felt like I was losing a limb or something. So a part of me refuses to go, like I probably may have written here some time ago, but that was normal. Edith also said that dreams are exaggerated sometimes in order to pay attention, but not too much. And now that I'm starting to pick up the pieces it's just common jitters! There was absolutely nothing to fear, was there?

So we tried to relax a little bit. She laid her head upon my chest and shrugged as I was some sort of comfy pillow; after all she was shivering and in the end she whispered in her sleep, "Stay with me, please...I don't need anyone else but you."

I wasn't her first boyfriend exactly...yet, for some goddamn reason I was the one who inspired more confidence. Out of all the skanky, lovesick, utterly suffocating ladies I've encountered she's the only one who's actually trying to talk some sense into my system, so maybe that's why it hurts. That reminded of a phrase,

"It has to hurt if it's to heal."

A sort of flagrant sensation invaded my neck...hmm; I could clearly sense my baby was on fire...

"Her temperature's rising, but any idiot would know that."