DREAMING OUT LOUD

That was a rather esoteric weekend I'll have to say. Unfortunately what goes up must come down and give way to Monday. I must have experimented some side effect from having seen those pics of Lisa but mind you, she's not the original Lisa. the reason why I couldn't stop thinking about what was for her taste for danger. It's one of those rare situations in life when you stumble upon something and with just one look you're clanged to it like a little disgusting leech, as if it were specifically designed to aim at your darkest side and not miss. I'll have to say I'm achieving the same effect with my paintings, this girl Lindsay keeps posting her nightmares, visions and who knows what other hallucinations. I don't care; we're all mad here anyway.

Still, last night seemed like a very down to earth, in your face dream. I was exactly in the same place I was yesterday in the kitchen while Edith was fixing breakfast. And so I kissed her cheek and started discussing an innocent little encounter with Lisa Stewart. And then she froze. "Tell me you did not say that!" And then I came to my senses saying, "sorry, my bad; it was only a dream, honey, it'll never happen again." But then I walked away returning to my activities and thought to myself, "The truth is this wasn't any dream, it was real."

So then now I woke up with anxiety, more or less about 3:15 AM. The wind was blowing pretty loud and I could notice that even there was a slight blackout, for about less than a minute. I also noticed how startled Scraps was; now that the winter season started to kick we keep him closer to us. Now that I think of it I experienced this before, except that Edith wasn't here. It still felt the same way because she was out cold hogging the covers as if she was going to fall from bed.

It took another hour to go back to sleep...I walked and walked dragging my feet...remorse? Why the Hell would I feel this way if I've never even officially met this new Lisa, or is it just that unconsciously I can't get over her?

But don't get me wrong; it's not like I killed her and chopped her into teeny tiny pieces and threw the remains in the river, it's just that we never broke up to begin with. I left Elyria without even telling her; I mean, why would I do that, she meant absolutely nothing to me. On the other hand she did scar me because she hit me where it hurt the most and I'm not exactly talking about breaking my heart. No, she did something worse than that. What kind of vicious, insensitive whore poisons your cat? Jealousy, of course! That's an even worse bitch.