There are gruesome details about my life that I didn´t wish to tell anyone not even my own mother. 

I wanted to be embraced by the arms of Death. I was so unhappy as a teenager; then again most of us 

were at that age. The difference however was that I was half an orphan; my father had died some years 

ago and I needed attention. Mother was always too busy to even care. Thus I did stupid things. 



There was a neighbor who kept teasing me when I passed by his house; little did I know he secretly liked 
me. He was named Danny; a light brown coated horse and a blonde mane. Our families know each other well since we were little but it didn´t mean we were close friends. 

When I hit puberty I wasn´t well endowed. I stared in the mirror and asked a hundred times why didn´t I 
look the part; I wasn´t any taller and stronger so instead I developed these slender legs and a weary, 
raspy tone of voice. It made me an easy target and I hated it. Sometimes I pretended to be sick so I wouldn´t go to school because I knew he was there. 

The way Danny looked at me was rather intimidating. One day he came up to me and asked, 

"Hey, squirt! How come you don´t have a girlfriend yet?"

I fell silent for a while, "I´m just not into it yet."

"Um, that´s weird," he said, "because most colts do that at this age."

"Well maybe I don´t feel like it."

"Oh really? So when is that gonna happen, never?"

I kept stumbling upon my own words, "I...I didn´t say that!"

"I have a feeling you don´t even like them, do you?"

I became extremely upset and felt like hitting him somehow. He was stronger than I was.

"Stop saying that, you big idiot!"

He smiled maliciously, "Have you ever been kissed?"

"No."

"Do you even know how to kiss?"

I shook my head.

"You know, I could teach you. Such a sweet little guy like you deserves to have attention."



He took me into the barn beside his house; it was empty in the afternoons and his parents were away. 
Inside they kept dozens of sacks of oat and there was an evident smell of hay. I sat down while I listened 
to every single word that came out of his snout.



"As your ´friend´ I am deeply concerned about your well-being, Bree," he said; that is my real name. "So I 

need to shape you into a real colt and not some weakling. Oh, but this is just between you and me; you 

have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Alright," I said timidly.

"Close your eyes."

The tension possessed me and my heart beat like a dozen drums. Suddenly I felt his lips touch mine.

"What are you doing?" I said disgusted.

"Do you want to learn or not?!" 

He held me tightly and pressed my body against the packs of hay. He used his tongue and I enjoyed it, 
was that supposed to be normal? But then he caressed me some more and slowly worked his way down my crotch.

"What?"

"I don´t like this anymore. I´m going," I said.

And as I left as quickly as I could without looking back he shouted, "You better shut your mouth or else, 
you wuzz!"







I felt so goddamn humiliated. I went straight to my room and into the tree house that afternoon so Mom 
wouldn´t see me cry. She noticed was sad and distant and wondered if there was anything she could 
help me with and I simply explained,


"You wouldn´t understand; it´s a guy thing."


That´s right, I decided to build a wall between us. The only one I would let in was my pet, Lilicat. She 

didn´t care about any details about my life; to her I was perfect.

"Oh, girl, what am I going to do? My whole world is falling apart. Why did this have to happen to me? I 
wish I was dead."



It began to rain. The thunder scared my precious cat and for no reason stepped out and perched on a branch. I tried to reach out and grab her extending my arm.

"Come back inside, please!"


Unfortunately I slipped and fell to the ground landing on my side. I had only the wind messing up my 
mane and the wet tall grass.







I had a vision. My father approached me; he looked exactly the same way he did the day he got lost in 
the flood wearing a thick gray coat. The trees in the land were dry, presumably dead and it was horrifically cold.


"Oh, son..." he said in a coarse tone of voice, "I am very disappointed; you have failed me."

"No, I haven´t!" I cried.

"Of course you have! I taught you to be a strong and responsible colt, now look at you! It makes me sick. 

You´re a mistake and you´re no son of mine!"

"No, please, let me explain, daddy!..."






He disappeared just like that, like a spectre. Along came a floating hooded creature with a large crook; it 
smelled like sulfur and ashes and made me nauseated. He had no face but the skull of a goat.

He pointed at me saying, "You...have wished to die!"

"Yes," I answered nervously.

"But you have no control over your life because I decide when you will leave this earth," he said in a very 

deep voice. "A noble creature like you deserves better!"

"No, not me! I am strange and look nothing like my peers and I´m a coward."

"In my must humble opinion you´re beautiful, a truly exceptional specimen."

"Please, take me away, I hate my life the way it is!" I cried boldly and stomped the ground.

"A death wish has terrible consequences, don´t you know? If you attempt to take your own life I shall 

punish you!"

"How?"

"You will work for me instead."

"Doing what?"







Then when I woke up I was back in my bed and the sunlight flooded the room. I felt a stabbing pain in my 

side.


"Don´t try to move so much, Dear," said my mother. "You´ll be alright; luckily you didn´t break anything 
but you will need to rest a bit."

"I´m so sorry..." I said sounding weary.

"It was an accident." She sighed, "We haven´t actually talked; are you running away from something? 

Whatever it is it can´t just be a "guy thing. I understand that it´s not so easy at this age."

"I know."

"Okay so what is it?"

Mother was a pale rose coated pony with jet black mane and olive-green eyes just like mine. She acted like my best friend and maybe that´s why I didn´t take her so seriously.

"You know Danny, that colt down the street?"

"Yes?"

"I...I think I feel attracted to him."

I thought she would immediately be furious and shocked. Instead she took it surprisingly well.

"Well, if that´s what you feel then there´s nothing I can do about it."

"So you don´t think it´s a bad thing?"

"It´s a part of your nature," she said smiling. "You´re a very pretty colt and you have a lot of love to give. 

In time you will find out that it´s your most powerful weapon."

"You´re just saying that because you´re my mom..."

"No," she paused ,"it´s the truth; I raised you well. In time you shall have the world bow down before you. It would be so selfish of me to repress you."

There was something I didn´t like about the way she spoke to me. As long as she didn´t throw me out into the streets I guess it was alright.





Danny´s family moved away a few months later. The reason why they left had nothing to do with our incident. He said goodbye and wished me good luck, that´s all. I was the only one who thought I was doing wrong and instead I got a pat in the back.

"I can´t believe I finally see you in the flesh, Master!" cried Vyla in a sort of "trottie" accent, "It is truly a wondrous occasion and to celebrate I made some rich vegetable soup and a plate full of alfalfa rolls just the way you like them."


She was either reading my mind or either knew too many details about me. On the other hand Rosie could have told her that.


"This is so amazing I don´t think I deserve it!" I said.


"Of course you do!" she cried again. "I mean, wouldn´t you be thrilled to live in such a magnificent manor?"


"At first I felt a strange attraction to it," I continued while I sipped some white tea, "or a feeling that I had been here before. The most attractive part was the price tag. Everybody wanted it but very few creatures can stay here."


"And how nice was it to keep some of the original architecture," she said.


"We obviously had some improvements done; Rosie helped me an awful lot. The library is one of those places that I haven´t finished browsing. One of these days I´ll sit down and read some more but I´m more of a writer than an avid reader."

"Is it true that unicorn witches lived here?" 


"So they say," answered Blak. "It was a pretty sad chapter indeed. They became lost souls that we had to vanquish, right, Love?"


"If you go and tell that to any other mortal, Vyla, they´d never believe you," I said. 


"What, about the unicorns or that they were ghosts?" she said.


"Both! It´s ancient history now. So tell me, if you´re Rosie´s niece why aren´t you a unicorn?"


She giggled and wrinkled her laced apron, "It´s genetics! It is becoming more and more rare, not to mention a bunch of rules to use magic."


"I know that."


"But what is magic compared to brains and sharp intuition?" she said, "it´s a gift that horses are entitled to and you should be exercising more often."


"Actually I have friends who use, not only horses. They sure have a mysterious way of keeping in touch with me."


"I can imagine. They must be a part of the Circle of Death."


I felt shocked and my tail shook.


"So you know them too?"


"I read about them. They all carry the symbol that you have on your flank." She was referring to the tattoo I had done several years ago. 


"This old thing? I never really dug into it when I got it; I just liked it."


"But it´s no coincidence...I believe it chose you," she said in a lower voice.


"Yeah, so?"


"Not just anyone can bear it; legend says that Death holds a crook with that symbol and the ones who are branded with it are chosen."


"Let me guess, as an agent of Death?"


"Exactly?"


"Um, my dear Vyla; how come you know so much about this?" I asked boldly.


"I´m a huge fan of the Occult. I spent most of my years as a filly reading and such."


"So how old are you? If I may ask," said Blak.


She smiled and rolled her ruby-colored eyes, "Probably younger than you but probably more 

experienced."


"It´s funny you haven´t asked me anything about my normal life, you know as a musician?"


"Oh that...yes. I´m not much into rock music."


"Well, you´ll be hearing a lot of that very soon," said Blak. "We´re both into the same thing."


I tried to ease up the tension with small talk, "Anyway, your cooking is marvelous and creative."


"I´m glad," she said , "I want to excel, Master; it´s how it should be done all the time." Then she retired to complete other endeavors.






The next day I had another boring radio interview to promote my Valentine´s Day gig and it just happened 

to be Mindy Mayhem; my old high school friend and rival. You see, about a year ago we had a sort of 

reunion and she went mad when she found out I was into boys now. I think she always had a crush on 

me and it was supposed to be in the past but she kept bringing it up with innuendos.

Likewise, I remained as professional as I could; I am also a qualified actor. I went solo because my 

darling Blak had some other business to take care of, so I spent a few hours talking to my personal 

bodyguard, Pete; a big blue gryphon with a loud mouth. He carried all the way downtown with his bulky 

claws.

"It´s a damn shame you´re already taken, little dude," he said carelessly, "because that Vyla girl is mighty 

fine."

"Don´t you think I know that?" I replied, "She´s like a fangirl, well not the kind that goes and stalks me 

backstage; she is very hermetic about her origins and knows me better than anyone."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"She´s very efficient like Rosie May and was highly recommended. I don´t think she´s harmful 

considering all the kooky characters I have run into."

"You´re damn right."

"I mean if I´ve been able to survive a hoard of unicorn ghosts I can survive anything," I yawned.

"I wouldn´t know that because I didn´t see them," he said.

"It felt a lot like a dream, I even grew a pair of wings!"

"So that means you won´t be needing me anymore?"

"Don´t be a fool! Do you know how creepy it would seem if I went out looking like a vampire? Besides, it 

can´t happen when I want."

"Funny. We live in a world where gryphons are okay but vampire ponies are monsters."

"Well, this world is a twisted place."




I was dressed in a minimal fashion with the color black as my best ally; a silky v-neck shirt and a thin coat. I was also wearing an onyx bracelet Blak gave for my birthday last year; I felt powerful when I had it on as if I was conquering the world.

Mindy was a sand coated mare with long reddish curly mane and dark brown eyes. They said red-manes always had a bad attitude and she was not exception. She also had a Bolter tee on, a band I´d kill to play with. Practically any musician I know would be honored to be in the same bill with them some time. 



"Goood morning, all of you PWROQ FM fans!" she said in a raspy voice,  "Have we got something special in store. Let´s welcome Ponywood´s  own dark prince, Marelyn Mayhem! Not related, of course."


"She´s secretly my sister but it´s not legal yet," I said.


"Looking rather sharp, by the way."


"It´s meant to detract fools and attract interesting folks to my side, the dark side, that is."


"So tell us, you have a brand new gig this Valentine´s Day at the old Chateau. We thought your band wasn´t into that thing."


"It´s a job. Besides our intention is to vilify the evening with black hearts and all. I believe in it to but I have another vision about it, a more gruesome one."


"But this romantic thing is so-not metal."


"And I say I´m chaos and I can change the rules."


"Speaking of romance, how are things going between you and Blak?"


I was afraid she´d bring that up.


"Things couldn´t be better. He´s usually the one who´s extremely shy and not talk about it in the media."


"And why did you decide to take that mysterious turn in your love life?"


"Well, um, I had been very discreet about that."


"Because we heard about your failed relationship with Evening Sky, right?"


"I´m not ashamed of that in that least; it just didn´t work and not because of what some think. Before Blak I did had several women who chased me. This pony is perfect and I can´t imagine anyone else with his qualities."


"So that means this is true love?"


"What´s true love? You implied I wasn´t into all that romantic crap. I just think he´s perfect for me. On the other hoof I don´t let that mess with our careers; we agreed that we can mix pleasure with work."


"Such a shame...no chance of making a song together?"


"No. His band has its own style, we have ours. It might happen some time. I´m always careful where I step on."


"We´ll see unless the fans want it to happen so badly."


I laughed, "Why would you want to mix melodic goth metal with death punk? It´s a totally different sound."


"Oh, I dunno, you can think of something. Anything else that we can expect for tonight´s gig?"


"Yeah...expect the unexpected."

"I didn´t want to come here tonight but I had no choice," said Lis. "I don´t wanna lose him just yet. He´s just too precious."

"To you?"

"Of course. He means everything to me. I ask myself again and again why he does these things."

"Hey, it´s alright, Honey. You sound desperate, that´s all. How bad is it?"

"I don´t know yet. It´s taking so long. I hate the waiting."

"But you already know what it is, do you?"

Lis sighed deeply, "No and it´s the worst of hells!"

"Keep yourself together. That´s all you need to do for now. Do it for you, Lis."

"Dammit, I´m fed up with all of this! What am I supposed to do now?"

"Get some help. It´s a big cross to carry. Think about it for a while."

"Great. Thanks for reminding me. I´ll keep you updated, ok?"

"Take care, sweetheart."

Lis got off the phone with her mother who was thousands of miles away in Elyria while she was at ancient hospital in Manhattan. At least that´s she thought about it.
She and Adrian had very busy season

There was no else to talk to except for a middle-aged, bald man in a beige corduroy suit who held a rosary between his shabby fingers. He repeated in a low voice, "Please be alright, please be alright."
Lis slightly leaned her head against the wall. "Maybe Mom was right; I´m making a big deal out of this," she sighed. She kept rummaging through the pockets of her long burgundy flannel coat. When she felt jittery she played with the tips of her dark brown hair.
"He looked so jaded lately, could it be that he´s depressed?" she asked to herself naïve. Exhaustion sounds like an elegant word until I find a better one."
She quickly grabbed her smartphone and updated his page.
"I stopped running today."
It was a reference from an old chidren´s book, yeah, the one with the creepy rabbits. Adrian was very fond of them.

d iy art toys

I stopped being threathening and was downgraded to a pretentious little prick. Do I look like that to you? Do I look like an act? Am I trying too hard to sell something that´s no longer appealing?

It depends who you want to impress.

Why do you feel the need to constantly surround yourself in darkness?

It calms me down. Did that sound pretentious to you?

No, not at all.

Then I guess I made my point.

His kind I believed was endangered. The ones who gathered in the shadows to play; the old school goth. He looked like another one of the bunch, what made him different was his ambition. A lust for power and recognition without deserving it.

She loved the sound of his voice; so sluggish and soothing


Daniel says I should laugh more often even if there´s no apparent reason to do it.

I guess it´s sort of cliché to mention that guys look more handsome that way.

I never considered myself attractive until I came to this city.

Really?

Believe me, nobody digged the skinny type back in high school.

Lots of things have changed


I miss him terribly. Maybe it´s because I´m not used to living alone.

You have my company.

I appreciate it but I got used to him so badly that I can´t even sleep sometimes. And don´t give me that shit that I could always skype him because it´s definitely not the same thing.

You love him! You can´t say that.

Of course I do. It´s just that I like being discreet about it.

It´s called modesty.

Yeah, I also heard that is called introversion. They kick you around for that until your butt bleeds.

Where did you learn that word?

Therapy. Eight grade. I don´t wanna go any further over my relationships.

Alright I´m sorry. I must have pushed the wrong button but before you shut the door on that; what do you miss the most about Danny besides the sex?

His wild ideas.

This moment that I wanted for years is better than I imagined

I enter this world as a curious child afraid to be seen by the giants who are capable of pleasuring volcanos and cause to erupt vigorously. I stare and become fascinated; all of this could be mine as well but I´m afraid they´ll break my miniscule body. That is until one of them approaches me with a confident look.

The first thing he notices are my elegant black nail polish thinking this might be some kind of turn on. Meanwhile I´m quietly guzzling away trying not look like a noob.

He is younger than me, probably three of four years but seemed more experimented.

"Nice look," he said, "I didn´t know goth was still around."

I smiled, "They only come out when the world needs them."

"Oh, is this a good moment, then?"

"It is. I´m not goth; I´m just being myself."

"I´m sorry."

"That´s alright; you amuse me. Hardly anyone does that for me."

"I make you laugh?"

"At least you correctly identified what I was into when I was sixteen. How old are you?"

"You tell me first."

"I might chase you away."

"Oh, so you´re telling me you´re a geezer compared to me. Okay, I´m thirty."

I whispered into his ear, "Thirty five."

"You´re still ok, at least you got cheekbones."

"Yeah, that´s not the only thing that´s still good."

"I´m sorry, I didn´t catch your name."

"Adrian Black."




I cum in colors, lots and lots of beautiful colors. Mine is black and red.

Mine is pink.

You´re such a fag.




The past Lis, doesn´t that do a number on us?

It´s like we´re in a compteition and the winner gets to choose his suicide weapon.

You know that you´re in a codependant relationship when you´re not capable of describing how your life was before you met that person.


Why are rabbits so quiet? Because when they shriek it sounds so goddamn awful. That´s why talk with their noses.


Adrian felt a tad uncomfortable going out with Lis that Friday night.

Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn



After several attempts Lis convinced Adrian to go out for a walk. Sometimes when she saw him so absorbed into his work she thought of her own dad and it made her worry.

She wanted to corner him so badly and disarm him with her words. His lack of sincerity was getting on her nerves. He wouldn´t say why he was so sad lately. "I guess I always pick the ones who are so damn proud," she thought.

Adrian needed a very unique key to unlock his secrets, not that Lis was interested in hearing them; she was just concerned. So she took him out to walk across the High Line; a huge park in Chelsea made out of an old railroad.

That Friday night was swell to have an old fashioned conversation instead of staring at a screen like a zombie.

He kept rolling his eyes perhaps because the wind played with jet black hair. Instinctively he threw on his black hood.

"I apologize," said Adrian in a low, raspy voice, "I should have told you that when I´m involved in several projects I lose track of time."

"That´s alright," she said pulling her lavender dyed hair back, "Have you been here before?"

"Not really. This ground´s far too nice to me in fact I feel like trashing it any day now."











"How much I hated the fights."

"Over what?"

"Stuff, you know like money."

"Oh yeah, money. That´s a very insignificant thing alright."

"Even when I´m this down I can still perceive sarcasm. I just wanted to get out of that town."

"Looks like the wound is still fresh, then again it could be something you decided to block for years."

"Isn´t that what most people do?"

"You don´t run away from problems, you face them."

"What if I was powerless and weak?"

"Beg pardon?"

"You know..."

"I think you meant character. You build character to get through life."

"Funny," he sighed, "when you said that I thought of imaginary friends. Sometimes they help you overcome shit."

"Oh, did you have any?"

"Something like that. When I was like six I had a rabbit with wide red eyes. He was extremely beautiful and yet fragile. Dad didn´t like him and told me to put it away in the garage. Sometimes at night I took him out of his cage and stroke his back to calm him down."

"I can see you had pets just like everyone else."

"He felt the tension. He knew things were becoming hard in our house and would hop again and again. That was his way of getting attention. I think that´s what we had in common."

"Fragile."

"I´ve always been very shy and emotional. Daniel doesn´t get that. He says I should smile more often even when there´s no reason to do it. I don´t know where he picked up this fast food wisdom; it doesn´t help."

"You could try."

"My rabbit Scraps learned how to lift the lid on his cage. I saw him leave one day and I followed him. To this point it seems kind of ridiculous that a kid was after a white rabbit. Maybe he would take me to Wonderland to escape from my obnoxious family."

"Where did he take you then?"

"Nowhere. I lost him at the edge of the Black River. That was the first time according to me that there were some things I couldn´t fix. That should have been easy to understand."

"Do you like having everything under control?"

"I believe so. Why do you ask me that?"

"Judging by what you revealed to me about your childhood you get easily frustrated by things you can´t control like loss or death. As a consequence you assume over every other aspect of your life including your body."

Adrian rubbed his stomach gently and started to look away. I know I was upsetting him.

"And that includes self-punishment. Daniel loves you and I´m sure he´ll stand by you. It´s pointless to sabotage your relationship. I believe you´re afraid of experimenting happiness. It seems foreign."

"No it´s not!"

"Then tell me the last time you were happy?"

He sighed. "When I´m left alone in my workplace. I become more focused, I am a master of that territory. It makes me feel satisfied."

"But Adrian, that´s not happiness."

"It is to me. I feel safe there. My stomach hurts, I need to lie down now."

"Okay, get some rest and please sleep on your own bed this time. I don´t what it is that you prefer the couch."

"It´s my happy place, Lis."



Black coffee and complete utter self-destruction. That´s all I ever wanted.

http://qbrushes.net/winter-branches-brush-set/

Ilustradora y diseñadora industrial y gráfica originaria de Monterrey, Nuevo León. 

  

Desde temprana edad he demostrado un enorme interés por el dibujo y la literatura teniendo como gran inspiración los mundos de fantasía como J.R.R. Tolkien y las películas de Disney. 

  

Actualmente soy dibujante independiente y he participado en diversos proyectos, concursos y en convenciones de cómics de la localidad.  

  

Mi medio principal es la promoción de mis ilustraciones a través de las redes sociales donde pueden hallar mi página de Deviantart: http://marelynmayhem.deviantart.com/ donde subo material día a día en diferentes medios tanto digital como tradicional. 

  

Siempre he optado por la simplicidad y el minimalismo como mis héroes de las tiras cómicas como Quino, Schultz y Bill Watterson. Cada día surge una nueva excusa para plasmarla en una caricatura donde domina la tinta negra y el sentido del humor que pueden captar tanto niños como adultos. 

 No hay edad para disfrutar mi trabajo pero en ella existe a flor de piel la curiosidad de una chica que cuestiona su alrededor y lo sigue reinventando a cómo dé lugar.