DANGEROUS DOLL PARTS (continued):

"An effective way to control a vampire is to avoid eye contact, since that is his major weapon. That explained why Edith talked to me with the lights out, " I said to Mark while we were on our way to Droogie´s place.

"I´m just trying to figure out how long will it take her until she loses it," he said.

"No, i´m not looking forward to that day because I know it can be any minute now, she´s doing on purpose and she´ll do it again, still can´t get over what I did at my own birthday."

"Ohhh, that´s heavy."

I decided to pull the same gimmick that I did on Halloween last year, to don my White Rabbit disguise because I was blindly following the little dead girl´s advice, to blur between fantasy and reality, aren´t I always doing that? A young careless boy playing with matches, that was exactly the same opinion some critics had about me.

However my disguise was slightly different from the design Droogie´s designer came up with; mine had longer, crooked ears and had some minor shiny appliques. Mark seemed puzzled and crossed his arms, "And just what exactly are you trying to prove with that, my friend? They´ll think you´re pissed because you came up with the idea first."

Then I said, "Yes,  technically I did, but do you believe in coincidences?"

"No, not really, but yes that artists keep stealing concepts from each other since the dawn of time. Ideas belong to no one."

"Are you familiar with the concept of synchronicity?" I continued.

"Oh, wasn´t that the title of The Police album?" guessed Mark.

"Close. You see,  it´s the experience of two or more events, that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner, it´s a Jungian concept, Edith taught me all about it. I know it happens very often but I want to find out why does it happen around me. I experienced it with Droogie, with Janie and with that mysterious Jewish girl Caroline. And I believe that the answer is right in front of me."


"You inspired them! Could we easily say you´re some kind of muse?" said Mark.


"But how could there be so many coincidences in such a short period of time, there has to be something like a mechanism..."


"At what time you said we were supposed to be there again?" asked Damien, who was doing all the driving, by the way.


" 11 o´clock; all hallows rise at eleven," I answered with a deep, eerie voice.


"Pfff, you guys are deeply messed up!" replied Damien.


"Oh, no shit! You didn´t see what this fucker here did for his initiation in his college days, see had to carry a rabbit´s head sort of like this one and walk around completely fucking naked..."


"That doesn´t seem so bad..." said my young assistant.


"Well not if you´re in front of a sorority holding a sign that said, " I WON´T PUT MY CLOTHES ON UNTIL YOU GUESS WHO I AM," I continued.


"So how long did it take them?"


"Not much, but there was some very heavy petting in the meantime..."

What was Droogie's birthday party was actually the afterparty, we would meet only after the concert.

Look at us, we're the kings and queens of the night, our ruling ends until we want is, so what gives if our day officially begins at noon? At least you'll have the Sun over your head. So here´s to a never ending night of madness!


(continued)...

DANGEROUS DOLL PARTS.

A cavalcade of dreams came along a few minutes before I regained consciousness.


I find it incredibly curious how sometimes ordinary songs can mingle with whatever the Hell you're dreaming at the moment.

It happened one Sunday morning when I was about twelve, I believe and it was a very hot summer, one the longest I could recall. When one is incredibly lazy and thinks he has all the time in the world to spare sleeping is indeed a joyful experience.

But this one song woke me up little by little, She's Leaving Home

She (we gave her most of our lives)
is leaving (sacrificed most of our lives)
home (we gave her everything money could buy)
She's leaving home after living alone for
so many years (bye bye)

and at the same time I was dreaming I was in a hospital bed.

It really made no sense at the time but I remember it dearly every time I listen to Sargeant Pepper.

This time, however the background music had a more somber tone.I saw myself in the mirror and was still in bed when Edith rose and grabbed me from behind and hugged as hard as she could and simply said,

"Now you´re the Black Rabbit."

I got up some minutes later and examined my left side where the tattoo was and this time it remained the same, it really didn´t shift or changed color like a few days ago. Hmm, it turns out to be that if I paid attention to Edith´s advice The White Rabbit would go away, the same way it happened that dreadful night.

Whatever, throughout the day I felt very relaxed; spent some quality time at the studio as I came up with new ideas for other paintings for Mr. Cohen´s twisted experiment, however Damien kept asking me if there was something wrong and not only him but other random people that came over. And I said, "No,  I´m OK, I guess you can call it tamed. Edith is talking to me again, that´s all, oh, but the things she´s making me do..."

"Such as?" asked Damien with a little naive voice.

"Well, you know, she accepts my um, controversial lifestyle, but...it´s the little things she can´t handle, actually she wants to have me analyzed, like in therapy."

"But that´s like assuming you´re insane, and takes all the excitement away from art, doesn´t it?"

"We´re all mad here indeed, it´s just that she wants to prove it, a part of her is highly skeptical," I continued.

"I see...well you can´t argue with that."

"Edith just wants to see me healthy in all the sense of the word but I can´t because that´s incredibly, incredibly boring. I make myself sick, it attracts people, it makes them want me even more."

"That´s heavy, I didn´t realize you were too self-destructive..."

I turned around and looked at Damien firmly, "Yeah, well don´t go too far or you´ll get incredibly hurt."

"Mmmmkay, I´ll put a hold on that, anyway, what do you suppose Freddie wants from you?"

"Power, incredible power beyond his wildest dreams. If this works it will be even better than any social network out there, to be more precise, the supernatural social network; literally connecting people with one another in their sleep."

"And you think you need to be examined!" cried Damien.

"Would you like to go to a real party this time?" I asked boldly. "I received an invitation for Droogie´s birthday..."

"REALLY? Well, I mean, is that possible?"

"Dude, didn´t you just get the message that anything is possible with me? I know Edith won´t go because it´s a school night but I can. However, I´m already some sort of celebrity around these parts and I don´t anymore scandals for at least another week or two."

"When did you say it was again?"

"Excellent, welcome to my dark side, feel free to take pictures..."

(continued)...

CONTAINED.

Laying by Edith's side now seemed very comforting but I still had some dues to pay. She was being malignant and manipulative because she figured out the way I move from one relationship to another; the hunter being hunted,a beast that was tamed not with the powers of seductive beauty or carnal pleasure, only with wit.

By saying this I don't mean to offend smart women, it's just that I never into one quite like this before.

"What a sad day it is, a very, very sad day..." said a deep manly voice with a rather arrogant tone...for sure it was The White Rabbit again. His rabbit hood began to look like some sort of sick trademark.

"Come, I need to show you something..."

"Why do I get the sinking feeling I won't like it?" I said and he pulled me out of bed without giving the time to think it over.

We went down the stairs until we had reached the basement, however the staircase was beginning to look sort  very peculiar. The walls were covered with moss and there was barb wire all over  the banister; this was the least welcoming place to invite anyone, it seemed more descending slowly into Hell.

However, there were several people patiently waiting to see what I believe was to be a movie, but then again it seemed more like the days when the teacher projected boring documentaries to tame the noisy brats. I knew none of them.

I wasn´t that much surprised to find out that in the end they showed Droogie´s new video of the sing inspired by the title of one of my paintings. In fact, it wasn´t the first time an artist collaborated with rockstars, in the tradition of Andy and his amazing discovery of the The Velvet Underground, but I´m sure New Yorkers are familiar with that story so no need for details.

And speaking of the latter, Droogie insisted in bringing back that incredible vibe of the 70s glam scene evoking all the great ones such as Gary Glitter and even Bowie. The style definitely seemed to fit like a glove for a girl like her but for a guy like me it was incredibly controversial. I still wonder if we could have probably met in another life but as a popular phrase says, "creative minds think alike," so that shakes the whole supernatural aura about all this business. Yet, people wanna hear those stories when they are so ignorant about art, sometimes they think our work was chiseled by the gods.

Damn, that ghost girl was sitting next to me, shifting her image as usual; this time she had a black velvet attire, her hair was dyed turquoise yet her porcelain face remained the same.

"Don´t you find this exciting, Adrian?"

"What, her? I inspired her to use the rabbits, I´m not surprised..."

"Well, you should be, The White Rabbit sure is, they all look like him! And you know what that means..."

"That he´s becoming like a sort of trend?" I said trying to guess what she babbling about.

"I bet if you dressed like him every once in a while others will eventually want to see more of him. If you do so, your transformation will be complete."

This last part reminded me of the conversation I had at my birthday party with Caroline because she begged me to define myself. Well, I thought I made that clear already, I know who I am, the one I know so very little of is Mr. White Rabbit here, and if the world wants me to become him for a while then so be it. Like I explained in an interview not so long ago;

I don´t censor it, I contain it.

COMPLACENCY. (continued).

And the darkness flooded the living room. I went in there to find Edith for her messages carried a huge buildup of what she desperately wanted to tell me. The suspense was killing me, literally killing me.

My afternoon felt so uneasy that I pondered the idea that everything would soon be over after being tagged as a sort of monster from the underworld who did nothing to prey on the innocent and drink their youth away like some pricey wine. Oh, but Edith wasn´t just any ordinary wine; her sole presence infused me and fulfilled me. Her eyes, her thin lips that seemed drawn with a fine paintbrush and a heavenly body that made me feel just like a child. Then it was when I realized that if I grew too attached to her she would become protective and dominant and eventually control me...yes, she did have a dark side, a terrible, castrating dark side like the tarantula she dreamed about once.

"Please don´t hate me, Adrian," she began, " I really don´t want to be the villain here, but I did some thinking, God! very heavy thinking and I...I admit I was sort of selfish because I wanted you all to myself like any girl would...but then I was also suffocating you and not letting you be harboring and contaminating you with this insecurity that I´ve been nesting all these years."

"Can I say something?" I asked. "Why would you think I use people to get where I want? That´s exactly what I´m supposed to do, you know, meet people who know people, that´s all."

"Adrian! I am aware of that, " she interrupted, "I´m sorry if I labeled you as some kind of sleazy manipulator, I guess I misjudged you."

"Wait, misjudge? It sounds like you barely know me," I said somewhat upset.

"You can never stop knowing someone, and especially someone like you."

"So can we pretend this never actually happened?"

"Um, no, but...I have learned from you."

"I thought it was the other way around..."

"No, I mean you've taught me how to live, while I have made you see the darkest corners of your mind, so you could at least do me a great big favor in putting a little bit of more effort into, you know, certain habits."

"OK, I get it. So does that mean that this feud is over."

"Mmm, no, not quite. You see, you have to do something for me first."

Oh, now what?

"Listen, you always told me that art is so incredibly sincere that is easily communicates what you're most afraid of without saying a word. Well, I want you to draw your biggest fears."

"I'm sorry, didn't I make it clear with the last pieces I showed you?" She began to creep me out.

"Fine, you don't wanna do it then I'll make you to go to a specialist and believe me it's no going to be pretty..."
She grasped my hands and looked directly into my eyes; "You can do it, you can beat that demon of yours that´s keeping us apart..." She kissed me gently and embraced me so tightly but there was something different about it, so motherly...and yet at the same time how much she needed me.

COMPLACENCY. (continued).

I got a text message from my cell this morning which belonged to Edith...funny way of communicating now through gadgets, this results so cold and impersonal , I suppose she´s giving me a hard time until I come around.

It said; "I have something important to tell you, I´ll see you at night. "

Just like that, no more no less. I´m tired of these stupid mind games she pulls on me but that´s what you get for hanging out with a smart girl who loves to toy with the human psyche. How perfect because she claims to have discovered how I deal with my relationships...saying I´m a psychic vampire, that I suck the energy out of people just because I´m too weak to live with my own self. Ironically this keeps attracting others...I surround myself in sadness all the time to ignite the compassion in others. Today was like that; Damien offered me a few of his life lessons and now it was Janie´s turn.

She was staying with some friends until it was time to go back to Tokyo. A few hours later I received an invitation from her which sort of seemed like a date but I wouldn´t go that far, unless she was aware that I wasn´t in a relationship. Oh snap, I just realized I updated my online status to It´s Complicated. No wonder I have been getting comments all day.

She insisted she wasn´t trying to take advantage of the situation; after all, I had to complete a piece for an exhibit names Nendo No Usagi or Year Of The Rabbit, so I heard.

Janie convinced me to go to Chinatown; haven´t been there in a while and I felt sort of nostalgic, besides I couldn´t think on an empty stomach.

And speaking of gut feelings, she did have something rather important to tell me. I first explained about my current situation on the love department because I was lifting too much controversy. She looked as charming as ever; short, golden brown hair, gorgeous uplifting smile and wide eyed, especially when she looked at me.

"Green tea?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you."

"What a wacky night that was back at your house, huh?" she giggled. "So how have you been? I noticed your status changed, was that intentional?"

"Pro-ba-bly," I said. "Are you familiar with the term psychic vampire?" I asked.

"Hmm, no, not really, but it sure sounds like something taken from a zombie movie!"

"That´s what Edith called me. It´s stands for someone who cannot tolerate living with his own shadow thus he hunts other people´s personality and uses them for his own benefit until they are sucked dry. Then when the time comes he dumps them and goes out with someone else."

"Huh, huh!" she cried like a child. "That´s waaaaay out! But it sounds more like someone who just hangs out with the popular kids at school because he´s too afraid of not getting noticed."

"Yeah, I understand. Maybe she came to that conclusion because every time I am in a new relationship and I take everything from them, even little things like the music they listen to. Then it´s like when I´m alone I have no identity."

"Oh, that reminds me of that book, Perfume, remember?"

"The killer with a strong sense of smell, yeah, sure, what about him?"

She continued, "You see, in the last chapters after he decides to travel to Grasse he notices he didn´t have a scent of his own, like he was an empty, soulless creature, that´s why the nuns were afraid of him."

"Mmmm, yeah, so, am I a soulless creature like a demon or something?"

"No, silly boy," she patted me on the head."

"What if I said I´m the White Rabbit? Would that help?"

"Then you will suffer his same fate, which is that you will lead others through dream worlds and blur the lines between what´s real and what´s not in order to find some kind of spiritual growth."

"You sure know a lot of things for someone your age, how come?"

She giggled again, "My grandfather grew up in a Shinto temple, he used to teach me things like that all time when I went to visit for the summer. Which brings me to the reason why I actually brought you here in the first place."

She paused and had a sort of worried look; " Listen, I know you´re one of the very few persons who I can share this with. I´ve been having some very strange dreams lately..."

"Dreams are strange, unless they are different from what you usually see, what are they?"

"I don´t know, it´s a lot like getting up in the morning and watching the news. All I saw was a small village being eaten up by the sea. Children and mothers crying for the loss of their houses. It keeps waking me up in the middle of the night."

"Do you think something bad will happen?" I asked politely as I continued sipping some the green tea she gave me.

"Well, having visions is not normal for me, but then again everybody has them. It´s just probably the anxiety for going back home, that´s all."

"I´ll remember that. I never forget."

"That´s so sweet, Adrian-chan! I won´t forget you too! Best friends?"

"To be honest I never had a best friend before; Edith´s the closest thing I ever had..."

"Then you´ll have to define what she means to you..."

"I already have my hands full with these new projects and all, but I promise I will try."

"Don´t promise anything, pretty boy , just do it."

Wow, her words truly caused an effect on me, even stronger than any other drug.

 (continued)...

COMPLACENCY.

It has happened to me more than once than when I'm most down and out an unexpected visitor comes along and tells me exactly what I need to hear, not what I wanna hear, at least that was what Demian made me realize. He arrived a tad early as as usual hooked to his MP3 like a leech; he also happened to be a big Droogie fan by the way thus it became easier to befriend and to control.

He was 21 and a sophomore from my own college and had high hopes to become like me someday...or something like that. Every other he came to my studio to make errands and minor things I don´t do anymore such as preparing and priming canvases, that earned some credits. Also I understood he was very chatty and indiscreet.

"You know what? I think she's just obsessed with you..."

"Thank you very much but isn't everybody else?" I said.

"Of course, but I mean it's just that because she wants to have you but she knows she can't...hence the name White Rabbit; everybody wants to follow you yet they can never catch you..."

"That's not what I want."

"Oh, come on! You wanna go steady with her or what?"

I grew puzzled. "What makes you think I´m not?"

"A live-in girlfriend is not going steady, at least not in my book. Technically she´s not a wife but she behaves like one, but you don´t believe in that crap, right?"

"Not yet, so what if I never marry?"

"Well,  that´s your problem but she seems to be like the type of girl who wants to..."

That last commentary seemed more than obvious, and I did have a conversation with her about that last year. I remained silent while I was doing some measurements on a piece of cotton fabric.

"I guess that´s the big difference; I can´t help being popular, I wasn´t even this popular in high school. That girl is a total mystery sometimes. Look at me, I´m pretending not to care about this and now you got me taking ´bout her again."

"Oh, sorry, dude, you did seem down today and now that I know why I´ll skip the subject..."

"Yeah, I would love that," I continued.

"So is true you have painted with blood? I was just asking..."

"Yeah, but it was just an experiment, The Rabbit Of The Infinite Strength has it. I accidentally cut my hand with a small knife so I just drew around it. The blood turns sort of maroon eventually hardens because it´s exposed the oxygen so I came with a quick sealant and some lacquer. It was on the eyes, by the way. Anyway since the effect it gives is similar to watercolor I finished the rest of the body with it with the same brushes and there you go. Some random girls owns it now."

"Could you that technique more often?" asked Damien with glowing eyes.

I smirked, "Nah, I couldn´t do that, I´m already too controversial if I did that they´d think I self-mutilate every now and then."

"Have you? You can tell me..."

"No! I don´t need any more goddamn rumors, the next thing you know I would probably be attracting serial killers S&M lovers, perverts, who knows..."

"R-ight."

"But there´s still something about them that attracts people anyway, it´s like the secret recipe, and that my friend I will take to the grave."

"Boy, you sure feel comfortable talking about creepy stuff, you´re not into black magic?"

I laughed and felt much better, "In fact I´ll do it if you don´t stop talking! That´s what happened to the last guy who wouldn´t cooperate with me; I turned him into a rabbit and is named Scraps."

I made him laugh too, "S-sure..."

"I´m just fucking with you, come on, I wanna show you something I´ve been working on..."

(continued)...

SATURNINE.

I'm no psychic but I was still right; the next day Edith refused to talk to me, and when I mean talking I mean a full introspective conversation like we used to have at the end of last year. I was still wondering what else could have driven her to take this rough decision because she managed to survive this tidal wave of madness on my behalf.

One of the reasons could be because it´s hard for me to maintain my promises, especially the ones I make to her. Is our thing truly serious or is it just a game? Was I using her or was I the one being used?

Edith...the real reason her dad won´t talk to her is because of me.  She faced him several times, sort of conservative fellow, harmless, really but with his feet well put on the goddamn ground. He made a very ugly remark one day;

"I didn´t realize you actually dated your patients, are you allowed to do that?"

And then she came back to me incredibly offended including me and she went, "Nah, forget it! Dad´s greatest talent has been always pissing me off, someone should probably give him a medal or something."

It´s like a certain a part of her wants me so badly the same way a kid wants a rare animal and put in a cage, while the other part is terrified the way a child runs away from the monster under the bed.

I kept thinking of that one song that was playing on my MP3 that time when Edith found me half dead in my apartment; it made sense then and it makes sense now...

This music to cut your veins to was never a personal favorite,it was Daniel's. I suppose it's some kind of bad karma I had to pay for hanging out with goths.

I couldn't afford to be depressed that day since I kept myself busy but still an unexpected call reminded me of my unevitable frailty.

"Hello, dear!" That was mom with her bittersweet voice.

"This is indeed surprising," I added. "Why did you call me so early?" It was around 10 AM if I'm not mistaking.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" she continued.

I sighed deeply, "...No, not really. I mean I am busy right now but go right ahead."

"Well, you sound strange, which is basically the reason why I called you. Just the other day while I was in the living room I stared for several hours that marvelous painting you gave us last year, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, that one! What about it?"

"I'm not sure how to say this but it made me grow concerned about you...now I'm not saying that you're in danger but are you feeling alright lately?"

I didn't answer immediately, "...Yes, I am, like I said I have been very busy..."

"How' s Edith doing?"

Oh, damn, I couldn't keep acting like nothing happened, "...not so good, I mean between us. We had a fight...a huge fight."

"I knew it, I had a feeling something like that was brewing, but it's nothing serious?"

"I, I don't know..." I leaned against the thick walls in my studio while I stared outside the window with a disgusting melancholic look. "I guess it's my own fault."

"Adrian, Honey, you know that's not true, she's also partially responsible even if you don't want to admit, so please, stop blaming yourself!"

I sighed.

"But alright, I trust you, just keep in touch and take good care of yourself."

"Don't love me too much," I ended.

I didn't miss that comment about the painting; it seems they're connected to my pain. That gives a whole new meaning to the age old phrase, "Even walls have ears..." Beautiful.

SOUL FOOD (continued).

"Well go on, try some, I'm sure you'll feel much better," said the girl with a soft british accent. Hmm, she never spoke that way before.

So I reluctantly took a bite of that ordinary piece of toast and took it back immediately, it was terrible...

"Is something the matter, dear? Is it too hot?" asked the girl.

"Is it too cold?" asked The White Rabbit.

"No, no, none of that!" I shouted. "It tastes like...like, broccoli."

And then I had a flashback of that day I felt horribly sad about the dream I had which made no sense at all, but then again it did; it was a clear warning to take care of myself because my bad health brought these numerous consequences.

I understood the message well, but what I still wanted to know was who the Hell was I talking to.

"That's peculiar..." said the girl softly. "...mine has always tasted like honey."

"Are you doing this on purpose? Why does mine taste like this?"

"Oh, it's just plain toast, it's not even buttered," replied the girl.

"Yeah, why are you making such a big deal about it, Adrian?" said the White Rabbit in a crappy tone.

"Because it tasted terrible! And how did you know it was something I never liked eating."

"Quite frankly I was not aware that you despised that curious vegetable, in fact I heard it does wonders."

"Yeah!" I said in a louder tone. "Well that still doesn't make it taste better, I won't have it, thank you."

"Well, in that case let me have it then." She tasted exactly the same piece that I did and happily cried, "Isn't that strange, it tastes just like honey!"

"How do I know you're not pretending it's honey?" I asked.

"Because I wanted it so badly to taste like yours and it didn't..."

"Alright," said The White Rabbit. "Let me try, that way you'll know she's not lying." I looked with mistrust but he kindly said after nibbling that almost stale bread, "Hey, it tastes like...like, waffles, blueberry to be exact!"

"Ok, now I'm walking out of here, this doesn't make any sense, can I please go to sleep now?"

"Oh, come now..." said the girl putting her hands around her waist, "we're having a most introspective morning, don't you agree?"

"I couldn't agree with you more, My Dear," said The White Rabbit. They were plotting against me to drive me insane but hasn't happened just yet, although...

"You said waffles? That reminded me of something..." I said to the lustful other me.

"Yes, I know! That made you happy, didn't it?"

"Wait a minute, this is no coincidence, why are you playing this sort of game with me?"

"No, no, it's not a game, actually breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" cried the little girl.

"This is a dream, it is, I know it is! A lucid one, so I'm sleeping, not eating, good night!"

"How can you sleep when it's quite clear that you need to eat?" asked the White Rabbit boldly.

"Yes, why else would we be here, you invited us, so I think it's terribly rude to treat you guests this way!" cried the little girl.

Ah, dammit! They were right, I was terribly hungry. They gave a lot to think about because this was the way my own mother used to treat me...

SOUL FOOD.

I had finally fallen asleep around 2 AM but I woke up again at 3:15 according to the hour on my cellphone.


Aghh, I haven't had dreams for a while instead just painful hallucinations.


This time I saw a small white rabbit out on the streets and it glowed with a neon blue light. I take it that he wanted me to follow him, so on we went through Central Park until it conveniently stopped right in the middle of the Alice In Wonderland statue. I came panting and as I was struggling to come back to my senses an eerie voice said; EAT ME...


Everyone knows that statue quite well but Alice looks more dominant in it than she did in the storybooks, so I guess it could have been her who said that.


EAT ME!


I approached the figure of Alice but to my surprise it seemed as she was made out of gingerbread. It began to crumble right in front of me and some of the pieces landed on my hands.
EAT!

God! I couldn't sleep anymore, these voices in my head were killing me, well, just disturbing me.

"Hello, Adrian...good morning!"

I stood on the edge of my seat and cried, "You, here? I don´t freaking believe it!" That was the dead little girl I had mistaken for Caroline, and to my surprise she wasn´t alone; the other me, the White Rabbit was there too. He did look more suave and sophisticated like me. His outfit was very similar to the one wore last Halloween, a hood complete with long ears and silver leather pants.

The girl, on the other hand had a blue nightgown, not sure if that was her favorite color.

They both sat on the sofa, drinking what I believe was tea and there were several pieces of toast laid down on the coffee table.

"There you are, will you join us for breakfast?"

I nodded. "I´m sorry, but I think it´s a very unlikely hour to do that, don´t you think?"

"Now, now," said the little girl in a very subtle way. She did sound very different than from my previous encounters, with more manners. "I think that´s rather rude..."

"Very, very rude indeed," said the other me as he sipped his tea.

"Am I really dreaming again?"

"What is life but a dream?"

Clearly they were quoting Alice In Wonderland so the only way to make it out alive was to speak the same language, even if it didn´t make any single goddamn sense.

(continued)...

BAD MANNERS. (continued):

Are you done now?


No, I'm not.


When will you be done then?


The puzzle's almost done but I can't complete it alone, you see. Find the missing pieces...


You can't be serious.


I may speak in a language that you can't understand sometimes Adrian, but you have to see with your heart not your eyes. And I am being serious so don't waste more time...

"He's coming back..."

Echoes, ghostly voices from far away pounded in my head...

"Adrian, what happened to you this time?" Edith. She looked mad, very mad...oh damn.

"A brief moment of weakness, I suppose, that's what occurred to me." I was back. Not quite in the same bed but in the living room on a nice red leather sofa.

"Well, you sure have clever names for your issues...what am I going to do with you? I helped you once and..."

"I know! I was supposed to overcome all this but then it seems that every single time I fall into such a stressful situation I go ahead and do this unconsciously."

"Then you have to find some other way to face your problems...look, you're acting as if my words never made a real difference and I feel like a wanna give up on you...you're impossible."

"Fine. I won't torture you anymore you don't deserve this."

"If there's ever a word to define you it would be a vampire..."

"A what?"

"A psychic vampire, that's what."

"I believe I heard that before, so it's nothing new."

"Good, then if you understand it, there's no need to discuss it with you anymore."

Your frailty sickens her...

"Did you say something?"

"I said...oh, forget it."

That's not a new word that she said, in fact I read it from one of her books. Would that mean that she'd get rid of me? I wouldn't know. What I have found out is that I tend to absorb my partner until I become exactly like them because I'm too afraid of being myself. It makes sense; I really wasn't much into reading or researching until I met Edith.

In the case of Daniel, well that was whole different story, but then again exes are exes, they should never get in the way or act like ghosts. Maybe it´s time for me to burn those memories for good.

BAD MANNERS (continued):

Are we done now?

No...not really, mom...I'm sorry, I can't continue, can I be excused?



I'm afraid you can't, my dear, this is for your own good, you need to finish or you won't get better...



But I am feeling better right now!



That's what you think but only I know that's not true...


Please...

"Adrian, wake up, wake up..."

"What happened?"

"You, um, I found you lying unconscious in your apartment. But it´s OK, you´re gonna be OK...I need to ask you something but you have to be totally honest with me."

"What?"

She embraced me tightly as I felt her deep sigh. She proceeded to examine every last bit of me, that looked very malnourished, "Why are you doing THIS?"

I paused. I couldn't believe she was still bringing this up...this was supposed to be SO over, so buried in the past, but it moved me and even clouded my eyes...I didn't have the heart to tell her.

"I...I'm trying very hard not to..."

"Dear God, Adrian, you just can't ...."

"I know, I know we've been through this before, but it's not that simple."

"Fine, I won't interfere like I said...it's your body anyway, besides this situation is making feel sort of guilty, and you know what? You're hurting yourself, not me or anyone else....it feels like you're going round in circles."

"I can´t stop. Every time I look at myself in the mirror it´s the same goddamn nightmare."

"But sweetie, you look great, don´t you think the same way? No, apparently, not..."

"No, no,no, it´s not that...it´s..."

"Well then what is it?"

Now my eyes became cloudier and I curled up to one side of the bed, but God, why did it feel so empty? I was truly besieged with her comments, so intimidating, scrutinizing...I felt truly filthy and cold.

"I don´t regret what I did...because it helped me realize something."

"What´s that?"

"I didn´t like who I was back there, that´s all, but now that I look at you I wanna be born again."

"That´s...that´s so sweet."

"No, kid, you are sweet, I'm the Devil." Why would someone like her want to stay with me? I was becoming too self destructive and volatile to jump into another relationship...then again maybe that's exactly what I needed.

BAD MANNERS.

So I went to talk to Edith that very same night but sadly her attitude didn't improve one bit.

I take it because this time she truly felt offended for the way I treated her, not so much about who I hung out or spoke or made out with...what bothered her the most was my two faces because no girl in her right mind tolerates assholes.

So there she sat near the window staring all melancholic at the ever so uninspiring cloudy sky. This time she was wearing her favorite red pajamas and she knew well that was kind of a big turn off for me, so I think she definitely did it on purpose. And to top it all she was avoiding eye contact with me.

"Ok..."I began sounding slightly defeated. "We haven't formally talked since yesterday "...but I'll try to come up with a decent explanation that satisfies you..."

"Go ahead," she said in a notorious curt tone.

"Dammit...look, I can't help being who I am, I thought you already understood that, so why are you acting like this all of a sudden? What is it exactly that bothered you?"

"You must know, you can read minds, remember?" Now she was being sarcastic.

"I'm sorry for leaving you all alone yesterday but again I couldn't help myself..."

"I'm not complaining about that Adrian, do you hear me complaining?"

"Then what is it?!"

"I, I just can't believe I'm talking to the same person anymore...I, I would have loved to blame it on the fact that you did drugs yesterday and if that were the case then believe me you wouldn't have lived to tell it."

"So that's it, that's it..."

"But I knew it wasn't that because you would never do something so goddamn awful as that, so I just assumed that you were just playing with me."

"I did not!"

"Just answer me this; why did you suddenly make me feel wanted and then three seconds later you run off with some random girl?"

"Alright, alright, you have a point, that I recognize but you're still being unfair because you cannot share me with the rest of the world, now can't you?"

"That I don't mind at all but you're making me feel like I was the evil queen here, and I'm not."

She paused and sobbed for a while.

"I, I just wanna know if I will be able to trust you anymore when I perceive that you have serious issues. You trusted me well enough to help you through the bad times and how do you repay me? You can't do that to me..."

"Right..."

"But I also wanna see you happy and I've been doing some serious thinking..."

I didn't like the sound of that, I definitely, definitely didn't like the sound of that.

"And I think it's best that we take a break..."

"Edith, that's just like leaving the door open for me to do as I please."

"And that's the point, remember that I told you not to take our relationship for granted? I'm not trying to destroy your dreams of being successful. You'll have to make a choice of what's more important to you right now."

"I don't think that's such a good idea..."

Suddenly the scene was distorting, I felt very weak and collapsed...I swear it wasn´t because of the bad news, I swear...

(continued)...

GHOST TOWN.

"Someone's waiting for you at your office," said Edith giving me a cold stare, although at this point she looked a beautiful corpse in front of me. Her was hair tied up and wearing this handsome dress with flower patterns.I had just arrived while she approached me.

I didn't feel very proud of this reaction of hers. Considering the level of intuition I gained over the past few months it was evidence of a growing apathy that would lead to a possible rupture. I knew I had to handle the situation with great care.

"Well, thank you, I really appreciate that," I responded.

"That's it, is that all you have to say to me?".

"I'm sorry, but what else do you want me to say about something like that?"

"Never mind, just forget it."

"I don't forget that easily and I am actually reading your thoughts right now, Edie..."

She wanted to simply walk away so I gently grabbed her arm.

"Please, don't do this to me, not now..."

"What about what YOU did to me? Or have you forgotten that?"

"I see...we'll discuss that later, alright?"

"Oh, do hope for a later because I won´t." Oh God, now I was truly confused; did she do this on purpose just make me feel awful throughout the rest of the day? I would have to look into that LATER but soon.

On the other hand there was a potential client waiting for me...but, um, Feivel didn´t know about this one, I brought him all by myself; well, actually I had a little help from Mark. It was this techie who had successfully developed apps for social networking, as if there weren´t enough out there. The name was Freddie Cohen; they often confused him the guy who developed anti viruses and such. He was scrawny, pint-sized compared to me and had this completely inexpressive long pale face.

He already gained a strong reputation and a loyal legion of fans for hacking some other social network because a lot of people were getting tired of it. Anyways, this little Jewish golden boy promised to reinvent the way we were connecting without being addictive like a drug. After a friend of a friend of his told about the Playground exhibition he became fascinated with the concept of the number 11 and wanted me to develop more paintings for him. It made sense since that reminded him of binary codes he was determined to see if there were actual subliminal messages in my previous works. That´s right; he was the one who literally snatched 1:11 PM and 11. The first one had a red background and a black rabbit holding a Tarot card with the 11 on it with a handsome grin like the Cheshire Cat. The second one had a stream of 11s against a starry blue background with rabbits hopping through them.

"Are you aware that this is the way that someone´s communicating through you?" asked Freddie in a very low controlled sort of robotic tone.

"Of course..." I answered slightly waving my head. "I figured out it could have been the dead, but then again it could be aliens announcing the end of the world..."

"I understand also that you´ve met Edward K´s agent, Ms. King. He simply refuses to let go of two of his paintings; they believe he actually applied the same unorthodox techniques that you did."

"Yes, I still have no idea why we do what we do..." I answered as I grew puzzled.

"Have you thought of the idea that you are being asked to build something, like a tool or a device?"

"Ha, that´s very trippy, man!" I laughed.

"I´m obsessed with completing something as well, but I´m highly eccentric. I would like you to be a part of an experiment manipulating certain factors so that you can produce these works?"

"To do what?"

"What else? Communicate with the supernatural. Objects leave a certain trace behind..."

Those last words echoed in my head, remembering what Lisa used to say. I couldn´t stand the fact of being required to perform rituals to attract the dead, like a giant Ouija board.

"If it does work, consider it bought and a very generous price."

I liked the sound of that. "Fair enough...let´s wake the dead."

CRYPTOMNESIA (continued):

The secret to inmortality: multiplication and rabbits are damn good at that. But I, on the other hand am choosing to multiply my personalities to cover each and everyone of my needs.

The day went quite smooth like fast forwarding through a videotape. I gathered with Fly along with some other profoundly esoteric artists to present the book HELL-O at the M. Gallery. I didn´t necessarily want to become the center of  attention but it helped to sell, yes it did. Already I could see I Attract Vermin,The Tarot Man,1:11 PM and 11 reaching incredible prices, but mostly the ones containing the 11 were especially powerful. Actually I overheard from one of the members of the New York press that this year there was a numerical coincidence going to take place this year, which was November 11th 2011, which abbreviated is 11/11/11; a time for incredible spiritual awakening. In my case it could be a possible sign of danger.


The same day, on February 1st Droogie released her long awaited song Easy On the Eyeliner and her new video. I smirked with confidence because I knew this would be the beginning of a dangerous alliance. I adventured myself and sent her a request to join The Thousand but I think she´s still to busy to look into that;  the irony however was that she was never too busy to tweet and upload some pics of my deranged party. She also sent me some where I appeared with Charlie...nothing incriminating as long as I kept collaborating with her. 


The question is why was I being treated like some sort of slave? I could definitely see that to her I was still The White Rabbit alright...the one who was only willing to carry out orders, the same thing that the untitled ghost girl made me do...everybody wants me for all the wrong reasons, it seems that I can´t escape my fate.


There is an intricate connection between the rabbit from Wonderland and Mercury. Apparently Mr. Carroll might have left us with some very clever clues. I have strong reasons to believe that Alice In Wonderland could be a modern Rosetta Stone to unravel many common dreams.


"Get this; Mercury is the messenger of the Gods in Greek literature, right?" I asked Damien  while we drove back in my BMW.


"So then, The White Rabbit is like a messenger for the Queen Of Hearts, right?"


"Right..." answered Damien unsure. "I´m sure it was the Red Queen..."


"No, Queen Of Hearts; they always get them confused. The rabbit can travel in between worlds like that and Mercury did the same thing connecting the immortal and the mortal world. Then, it is said that Mercury is given both a masculine and feminine nature which made him androgynous."


"And your point is?"


"The White Rabbit is genderless, like angels..."


"Why genderless?"


"Because when you learn how to master both sides of yourself you can accomplish anything. There are practically no boundaries," I said.


"Aha, and you´ve come to that conclusion from watching Droogie´s video?"


"I am the White Rabbit too, whenever it´s absolutely necessary..."


"Does Edith know about all of that?"


"Yes. But then she´s really a lot like Alice because in her dreams she´s blonde and has blue eyes, well she already has them anyway. She tries so desperately to follow me but she can never catch me, and especially now that I´m busier than ever."


"So where do you put the real Adrian then, is stuck in limbo or something?"


"No, actually only Edith would know that. She´s very good at summoning him alright."


"You´re wack, Adrian, if you keep playing like that it will become true."


"It´s not a game, little Damien dude, it´s a way of living...my way of living."


(continued).

CRYPTOMNESIA

Wheel Of Fortune, please stop...the room seems to be spinning out of control and progressively I see things like a damaged, rusty piece of film; the walls are decaying. Everyone I see wants to pick my body and open me up like I´m being studied. The black cross burning in my chest again...

Then I heard something smash into hundreds of tiny pieces.

"Adrian, Adrian...are you alright? Please wake up, wake up..."

"WAKE UP, WAKE UP!!! YOU´RE GONNA BE LATE!"

That wasn´t Edith´s voice for sure. Oh, no wait, it was Damien. That was a big turn off. It appears she´s still not willing to talk to me after my misbehavior yesterday. He, on the other hand looked strangely refreshed, paying tribute to me wearing black from head to toe. Then he handed me something very hot...

"Where´s Edith? She didn´t even say goodbye?"

"No, I haven´t seen her all morning," he answered shyly.

"Can I be totally honest with you?" I asked after I dug into a very potent cup of expresso. " Do you think I overdid myself last night?"

"What, now you feel guilty? It must be some kind of emotional hangover..."

"Yeah, I mean, she´s really doesn´t deserve that treatment, I totally dissed her the whole time."

"Well, you can´t avoid being surrounded by superstars. You´ll have to ask yourself if she´s part of the equation."

"I don´t wanna make her leave me! Besides you didn´t see who bumped into me," I said I walked on to the bathroom. I looked very deeply into my tattoo; it had its original color, like the Black Rabbit of Inle. According to my book, Inle was jargon for "moon" and it made sense because the rabbit transitioned from white to black. Was it another horrible hallucination, was it gonna come back haunting me like a werewolf? The good thing was that I found Caroline, the real one.

"Say, Damien?"

"Yup?"

"This may say stupid but, would you like to part of The Thousand?"

"What´s that, a secret society?"

"Yes. It is, but even better than that, I´ll have to think of some symbol for it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, hurry up , dude!"

"What time is it anyway?" I asked a bit dozed off.

"Past eleven."

"Ah, goddamn eleven, my lucky number..."

(continued).

WICKED WONDERLAND (continued):

I attract vermin, always have and always will.

Twas then when I understood the meaning of that dream I had before this journey began. It was a warning. I knew why I went back home that time, it was to look back upon the things I've done and needed to be evaluated. Thus, there came something new disguised as old, something pure.

I despised my dirty alliance with Lisa; she used me to see if I could summon the unknown, but it was a good lesson, she trained me to awaken this dark side of mine. The more abused I felt, the better. It makes sense now, Droogie, Lisa did it, the dead girl did it and Daniel. How provocation could I possibly take?

"Are you familiar with the term visionary art?" asked Caroline so eloquently.

"I believe so, I think you say it because my art is filled with so much symbolism."

"Yes, I would be proud to introduce you to some fellow artists I know. They would be more than thrilled to join The Thousand."

"Ah, there´s that term again!" I answered.

"Yes, yes, yes, and one day it will sink into your unconscious. I understand we don´t have all the time in the world to discuss it but I will continue to visit you until you decide to join us."

"Be careful, I´m starting to feel sort of harassed..."

"Oh, don´t be ridiculous, Adrian, you can´t ignore us..."

Damn, everything was turning hazy again...I´ll blame it on the liquor, it´s gotta be the liquor...

"Hey, sweet thing, you´ve been lost all night, huh?" said that unforgettable voice of Feivel. It´s beginning to feel a little bit strange me surrounded by all these Jewish people, Caroline seemed to get along with him absolutely well.

"You see,  I think it would be an excellent idea that Edward K and Adrian met, don´t you agree, Feivel?"

"This kid is already set to do a thousand things this year! As a matter of fact it turns out to be that the whole joint between Janie and Adrian went so well that he became sort of notorious in Japan. They´re crazy about this whole Year Of The Rabbit thing!"

"Adrian-chan!" An exquisite and quirky oriental girl hugged me knowing I was like her best friend, Janie, she was.  She had this pink tutu and a custom made blouse with a picture of a flamingo on it, why did I keep associating this scene with Wonderland? Ah yes, I was supposed to play along, stand up straight, open my mouth a little bit wider and say, "Yes, your Majesty!"

"This time you´ll exhibit with me, and it´s all about what you like best!"

Of course, it all makes sense now, like in my dreams; we´re all rabbits here, but only I am the white one, the only one who can get in and out of this hellhole....hmm, I was beginning to grow weary from too much hopping...