Trickster

I´m Adrian Black, like the color although black is technically the sum and the abscence of color depending where it´s applied. I am everything and nothing at all and can reinvent myself if it pleases me.
I stopped writing in these pages since I was like sixteen. Most of it was because I simply didn´t care anymore.The pressure and humilliation was so huge. So I made a promise; that I would continue recording my experiences until I became a famous person who successfully escaped from my sleepy little hometown.
I was running away and I can´t even remember why. I could think of a million reasons and probably it was myself I despised so much, wishing I wasn´t brought into this world. Then one day out of the blue came a dark figure infused with so much anger that I would happily embrace; a symbol of my darkest passions and a  giver of infinite strength.
Like the one I was painting at the moment.
SEPTEMBER 2011
It was late at my house around eleven o´clock. The air smelled humid and it was about to rain. Edie was asleep because she worked and studied day and night. She is not my girlfriend but I let her into my life anyway. A smart, curious woman she is like Alice who once fell down the rabbit hole.
I had been a rabbit; a prisoner in a dark Wonderland, a slave to many queens and kings. A silent, harmless creature who wanted nothing but affection and got great attention in return. This wasn´t even enough to define love. I never had any of that, just torture. If I didn´t feel pain I had nothing but it was the catalyst for my emotions which I carefully translated onto a canvas.
And music in the background, and a bottle of wine.
piggy
I was working on a new collection for an opening of an art gallery in Chelsea, in Manhattan.
I was currently living in Soho on a penthouse loft on Mercer Street. It was located above a psychic shop run by an old egyptian family which I visited every now and then. Next to it were high end shops made to look just like an outdoor mall. I could care less about that. Sometimes all I needed was an afternoon with Edith in the coffee shop on the corner of Prince Street.
As you can see I seldom left my neighborhood spending hard time in my studio, secluded most of the time and avoiding getting distracted. Being left alone was ideal to me but especially that night I felt
CONSUMED.
The moments when I was more productive were between the hours of ten to three in the morning. Anyone who has ever worked with me was aware of that rule; I couldn´t be bothered at all.
I would blame the sound of the rain for triggering memories I had buried for so long and now threathened to slow me down.
Or it could have been something else like a trance. Whatever it was it made me restless.
A storm was coming and I went out to the terrace to get soaked.
"I have to finish this" I kept saying in a lower voice. "Nothing can stop me now."
Edith heard me and went outside as well. She had a light blue top and cardigan. I had shirt no on and had no guilt for being under such terrible weather.
"Adrian, it´s pouring and cold; please come inside," she said as she shrugged.
"Sorry, I didn´t realize it was so bad."
"Are you sure you´re alright?"
"Yeah, don´t be afraid or anything; maybe I could explain later."
"Fine, take care."
That was a warning that I was about to experiment violent changes and not what she probably had in mind.
 After I finally got some decent sleep in my own bedroom I had this intense dream. In it I travelled back to Elyria as if I was paying a visit to my old man

Edith Paige was like the storybook Alice; she was raven-haired with bangs, milky white skin, blue eyes, underdeveloped.

Edie was a swell tenant. She asked me why would I could choose for a girl who has nothing to do with the art world to live here. It was simply because she wouldn´t be such a huge distraction. Later on I would refer to her as my "non-artistic follower" with my colleagues in reference to the insane regulations of Soho living.
She was in her final year in Psychology at NYU but we had met when she was a freshman.
And a fighter. I could sense she was running away from home and her conservative family.
Edie was always more careful with the way she behaved around me and I was like an open book; my crystalline green eyes couldn´t hide the sadness.