Trickster

It's been rumored over dozens of sites that this new exhibit promises to be what you claim as "telling the truth, to come clean with art." I dare ask you, haven't you been totally honest with the subjects that you've painted these last few years.

Yeah, well, I hate to quote famous artist, but I must say this, "Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad."

Dali, I believe.

Obviously but I refuse to labeled as obvious, this time I am aiming for the unpredictable.

You'd call this a dangerous experiment

Yeah and as one I am intending to record it in a journal. I always do since most of the time I use the summon the unconscious mind I might forget it.

Clever idea, good luck on that...

Into the rabbit hole I go...

This ghost of you follows me around and its presence floods these walls, there's not much to look at.

Wash down all the pain with a glass of my finest wine but then again no, it didn't do the trick so I proceeded to search deep inside to summon the creature, my true friend, the practice of the childhood witchcraft. It helped me once and it shall help me again but it has been a while since we talked.

My good friend The White Rabbit, now I give you life through the canvas

The light was very poor inside my studio, outside it was pouring and all I had as a companion was an old song. Music helped me unleash the demons and translate them into an empty canvas yet this time I might have overdone it. The tension was getting the best of me and for no reason I resorted to go to the roof...oh yeah and it was around 3 AM, that ghastly hour when I preferred to stop working.

After that suddenly everything went silent. My body was incredibly still like paralyzed. I knew I was alive but not conscious something kept crawling inside me tearing me apart and there was nothing that I could do about it. It was like being raped and not being able to cry out for help. Then again if I didn't cry it was because I consented it, like enjoying it? Not at all, it was Hell.

Adrian, Adrian, what are you doing out here in the middle of the rain?

I nodded but didn't say a single word.

Seriously, are you alright? Not that's any of my business...are you even listening to what I'm saying?

I reacted a little bit too late.

"It's 3 AM, you know..." I said a bit upset. "I don't need to be bothered so early."

"Well that doesn't make any sense so come inside...it's freezing."

The sole idea of going back to my studio disturbed me and for some goddamn reason my mind navigated towards Daniel and that began to stab me.

"Honey, " she said dearly trying to be nice, "come on, it's not worth it, come inside

I wasn't doing anything stupid if that's what you think..." I said upset.

"You're freaking me out already!" She grabbed my waist with the ease of an excited little girl and pulled me into the apartment. I honestly wish she hadn't done that.

I don't recall in which part I rested but I could feel her presence. She seemed so small but with a heart so big it was impossible to ignore.

Edith wasn't my type but I had to admit she was the sweetest thing that had ever approached me that she made me blush.

As I began to dream my mind travelled towards the past, my home in Elyria, the suburb I left too early in search for fame and glory.

This time I was riding in my BMW which I do own and listening to nothing but this

I need to be myself

I can't be no one else

I'm feeling supersonic

Give me gin and tonic

You can have it all but how much do you want it?

You make me laugh

Give me your autograph

Can I ride with you in your BMW ?

You can sail with me in my yellow submarine

You need to find out

Cause no one's gonna tell you what I'm on about

You need to find a way for what you want to say

But before tomorrow

Cause my friend said he'd take you home

He sits in a corner all alone

He lives under a waterfall

No body can see him

No body can ever hear him call

With young and helpless Edith as my copilot we rode barefoot in the middle of a strange highway in the afternoon yet she was incredibly scared she must have been thinking I was kidnapping her from her ever so politically correct family.

So I challenged her to take over the wheel going obnoxiously fast and not stopping for at least one second. At the end she took it well. We didn't get home anyway we just experimented with danger.

I remember so little about the next day, Edith said I was deeply ill...I say I was posessed. No wait, I was sick alright like a bad hangover.

Again she approached me and embraced but she went horribly silent and then said,

"Oh my God...oh my God," she cried.

"Wut...?" I said mumbling.

"I'm surprised that you're alive but you're burning up, I told you it was a bad idea to go outside...and half naked for God's sake."

"Well...what's done is done."

Edith got up and shook me violently, "Dear, you're not well, you need help and I mean REAL help."

I was spacing out real bad, my body was beginning to feel like a ton of bricks. I had to admit that my dream began to make sense since I was letting her take control of my life temporarily.

Is it a kind of dream,

Floating out on the tide,

Following the river of death downstream?

Oh, is it a dream?

"Is it a dream, or was it dream?"

"God , what is it?"

"It's about 3 o clockish I believe.." she said briefly."

My body felt like a warzone and there was nothing I could do about it, for it seems that it had been a dangerous experiment what I did last night; there was no doubt that the spirits wanted me. I know that they cannot kill me, only I can do that by letting myself go and stop giving a fuck but then again this scene happened.

"Hey, oh, good morning" I can see you look so much better than last night. God, did you scare me!

"Did I? I thought I wasn't I was meant to be naturally attractive."

"Well not now...since you failed to listen to my advice now you're sick to the bone so we're going to have to work this out together whether you like it or not."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

It MEANS that I have to handle your affairs until you get better.

I appologize, my behavior must have been totally unacceptable for you

You don't need to do that with me

I haven't with many women in my life but Edith was something, she had character, I guess she really did put me in my place like no one else could.

Most of my other assistants were kissing ass and left me to die but not her. Then again she hasn't lived that much to know what chaotic stands for.

She did bring me my sketchbook and was frankly stunned for that moment took me back to the time I was around eight years old and had a severe case of pneumonia. I couldn't out for an entire week so the only thing left to do was to use art as my savior. I needed to search deep inside for a way to keep holding on like a symbol.

I already had resolved to use the rabbit as a trademark of my childhood but I ceased to use it in my formative years for the fear of being rejected especially in this city, in NY.

But not in Elyria, there I could be myself and deal with it, there I wasn't a slave for I had the freedom to run away to the woods when I was upset, when no one else could comfort me

-----------------------

we were just experimenting, I said when you're a child the whole world is your experiment

The boy was grounded for a week but I didn't  receive any sort of punishment so to speak. Instead there was just silence, I was seen as a strange being that deserved to be buried in the ground. His parents never looked at me the same way and I had the sinking feeling that this would get out sooner or later.

So one fine morning I got up early and took a backpack with me, you know , the sort of thing kids do when they run away from home but they come back late at night when they feel hungry. In my case I went to explore the only place that seemed interesting to me but was equally dangerous; The Black River.

I wouldn't have gone farther except for the fact that something caught my attention which was none other than a small white rabbit. Yes, and there I was as curious the beloved storybook character Alice chasing an innocent creature unknowing that he had a plan conveniently traced.

I followed down the frozen waterfall that looked more like the lair of a monster, hence the name of my painting Rabbit Monster.

He stopped and stared at me for a couple of seconds but then ran off. I ignored that the ice was too thin for me to notice and fell helplessly. I remember trying to hold on to a loose branch but it was too weak to stop me from sinking. I cried as loud as I could but it was like talking to the walls no one would answer...and that was it, what more could I do but drown. But then I came back to life, somehow I came back and they found me.

I had to stay at the hospital some days anyway the only true friend if I could give it some sort of name was my art. I carefully recorded the creature who led me to the river and I realized  that he was to be the symbol, childhood witchcraft I called it. The only shard of hope left for an unusual little boy.

Afterwards I became obsessed with the supernatural or all of those events I couldn't explain. That dark magic could never overwrite who I was but it could scare some people off or stop them from teasing or harassing me. It did work, for a while. It kept the vermin away but soon it would bring others.

When I meant others I refer to them as goths, goddamn creatures of the night who were pissed off at the world and everything that crossed their path. They became my refuge especially because of a certain female named Lisa . Not did only did she become my savior in my high school years but also a gateway for other sorts of mischief. When Mom saw that I was dating an actual woman this time she became more calm and started to talk to me again. Lisa, on the other hand was this tall and raven haired bitch who had attended Christian school so I guess that in an awkward sort of way my mom thought that she could turn me into the good side.

But she used me, at the heart she used me and toyed with every single one of my feelings; she twisted them so much that I would have preferred to stay with that little boy.

"Awww, that's tough...but were you attracted to her or not?"

"Of course I was, we did have sex, I'm not saying I was disgusted, I was afraid because her presence was more than intimidating, some even said she was a kind of witch.

Anyway, I fell into some sort of depression or abandonment so I began keeping a journal and at the same time my dreams began to get richer, more vivid like I was living a second life. The more the things began to get into place the more I was slipping away but then one day for no reason I decided to make a portrait of Lisa for Valentine's Day. She was sitting beside a window with my favorite Siamese cat, Sade in her lap. He hated her by the way, animals always know best.

I decided to show it to my art teacher, a woman probably in her forties, remarried. I remember she used to wear these hideous scarves and spoke with this pseudo french accent. She examined the acrylic drawing I had made and quickly exclaimed offended,

"How could you?"

And then I said, "I'm sorry, what?"

She continued gasping, "My dear, no offense, you do have talent but you simply cannot waste your time here, especially doing trivial work such as portraits, if you want to be a real artist you should dig deeper until you find your inner demons. Conquer them by displaying them on this canvas and you recognized you shall be. Do you want fame and fortune? Then you should better listen to my words, my boy. That's all."

Obviously that day Lisa was the only one who became pleased with the idea of being inmortalized. The teacher said this way I was giving her more power than she deserved while I slowly became a slave

prone to depression