Trickster

Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn



After several attempts Lis managed to get Adrian out of the loft. Sometimes when she saw him so absorbed into his work she thought of her own dad and it made her worry.

She wanted to corner him so badly and disarm him with her words. His lack of sincerity was getting on her nerves. He wouldn´t say why he was so sad lately. "I guess I always pick the ones who are so damn proud," she thought.

Adrian needed a very unique key to unlock his secrets, not that Lis was interested in hearing them; she was just concerned. So she took him out to walk across the High Line; a huge park in Chelsea made out of an old railroad.

That Friday night was swell to have an old fashioned conversation instead of staring at a screen like a zombie.

He kept rolling his eyes as the wind played with jet black hair. Instinctively he threw on his black hood.

"I apologize," said Adrian in a low, raspy voice, "I should have told you that when I´m involved in several projects I lose track of time."

"That´s alright," she said pulling her lavender dyed hair back, "Have you been here before?"

"Not really. This ground´s far too nice to me in fact I feel like trashing it any day now."











"How much I hated the fights."

"Over what?"

"Stuff, you know like money."

"Oh yeah, money. That´s a very insignificant thing alright."

"Even when I´m this down I can still perceive sarcasm. I just wanted to get out of that town."

"Looks like the wound is still fresh, then again it could be something you decided to block for years."

"Isn´t that what most people do?"

"You don´t run away from problems, you face them."

"What if I was powerless and weak?"

"Beg pardon?"

"You know..."

"I think you meant character. You build character to get through life."

"Funny," he sighed, "when you said that I thought of imaginary friends. Sometimes they help you overcome shit."

"Oh, did you have any?"

"Something like that. When I was like six I had a rabbit with wide red eyes. He was extremely beautiful and yet fragile. Dad didn´t like him and told me to put it away in the garage. Sometimes at night I took him out of his cage and stroke his back to calm him down."

"I can see you had pets just like everyone else."

"He felt the tension. He knew things were becoming hard in our house and would hop again and again. That was his way of getting attention. I think that´s what we had in common."

"Fragile."

"I´ve always been very shy and emotional. Daniel doesn´t get that. He says I should smile more often even when there´s no reason to do it. I don´t know where he picked up this fast food wisdom; it doesn´t help."

"You could try."

"My rabbit Scraps learned how to lift the lid on his cage. I saw him leave one day and I followed him. To this point it seems kind of ridiculous that a kid was after a white rabbit. Maybe he would take me to Wonderland to escape from my obnoxious family."

"Where did he take you then?"

"Nowhere. I lost him at the edge of the Black River. That was the first time according to me that there were some things I couldn´t fix. That should have been easy to understand."

"Do you like having everything under control?"

"I believe so. Why do you ask me that?"

"Judging by what you revealed to me about your childhood you get easily frustrated by things you can´t control like loss or death. As a consequence you assume over every other aspect of your life including your body."

Adrian rubbed his stomach gently and started to look away. I know I was upsetting him.

"And that includes self-punishment. Daniel loves you and I´m sure he´ll stand by you. It´s pointless to sabotage your relationship. I believe you´re afraid of experimenting happiness. It seems foreign."

"No it´s not!"

"Then tell me the last time you were happy?"

He sighed. "When I´m left alone in my workplace. I become more focused, I am a master of that territory. It makes me feel satisfied."

"But Adrian, that´s not happiness."

"It is to me. I feel safe there. My stomach hurts, I need to lie down now."

"Okay, get some rest and please sleep on your own bed this time. I don´t what it is that you prefer the couch."

"It´s my happy place, Lis."



Black coffee and complete utter self-destruction. That´s all I ever wanted.