Trickster

I couldn´t get that image out of my head. His body was spread across the floor and his hands were stained with blood. He was still breathing and remained unconscious.
"It will be alright, Adrian," I said numerous times, like that was going to solve anything. "Just breathe."
I forced myself to stay awake all night, it must have been around three AM by the time we got to the hospital. It was practically deserted and cold. "Who comes here at this ungodly hour? Only deadbeats and addicts I guess," I thought. But not Adrian; he was different. I knew there was something wrong with him since the day I met him; he hid his sadness with dark humor and creativity. Because what was his art but a means of defense against his own self destruction?
One night I heard him going down the stairs and head to the kitchen. I decided to follow him quietly and noticed me anyway.
"I know it´s you, Edie," he said in a lower voice, "you can come down."
"I hope I´m not bothering you," I said the first thing that came to mind because I felt nervous and a bit ashamed. "You look tired."
"Yeah well, I haven´t been able to sleep for three days in a row," he said sniffling.
"How come?"
"Things, little things. I have a restless mind."
"Is something troubling you?" I asked boldly.
"Yes, there is. You seem like a nice girl so I´ll be honest with you. Everything´s bothering me, I think it´s some kind of curse or something. I once tried therapy but it I think it´s useless."
"Why?"
"Because I´ve been there before and I don´t want to talk some stranger for an hour all the time like I´m defective."
"I don´t think that way!" I cried. "You´re probably a bit more human than the rest."
"We´re all mad here in this town, have you noticed that?"
"Yeah but that doesn´t mean that it´s ok! For some of us it can be a serious thing."
I couldn´t help noticing he kept pressing his stomach subtly.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, I just need to get back to my room. We´ll talk later in the morning."
That was the longest conversation I´ve had with Adrian since I moved in. Though his look was rather pale he was trying hard not to make me feel worried.
"God, it´s cold!" I said to myself. I reached down the pocket in my sweater to get my phone. The weather forecast for Saturday was 70 F but at sundown it would drop more than 5 degrees.
Hospitals brought me back sad memories that´s why I avoided them as much as I could.
And now what, was I supposed to get bad news? I had known Adrian for only a couple of months! He remained a total mystery to me except to his art buddies and his ex, Daniel. I couldn´t call him so I chose to text my sister instead.
"Hi Lis, " I began.
"Hi, why are you texting at this hour? It´s so not like you!" she responded.
I laughed a bit.
"My roommate had an incident."
"You mean the cute guy?"
"Yep."
"Sorry about that. What seems to be the problem?"
"He got sick but I freaked out because I found him passed out in the living room."
"Oh my gosh, is he okay?"
"I hope so, Lis , I hope so."
"Such a shame; he´s pretty hot though."
"I don´t care about that! Besides he´s sort of taken."
"Oh, right. The boyfriend, I believe. So what do you care about?"
"Other stuff of course like his knowledge and his amazing talent. I never bumped into someone like that before except for dad."
"That makes sense. Anyway, I won´t force you to do anything you don´t want to do but I sincerely hope he recovers, whatever he has. Do you think it was drugs?"
"No, Lis! I don´t think so," I responded upset.
"Just saying. Think about it for a while. You barely know him."
I ended the conversation feeling somewhat concerned. So what if he overdosed or something? It certainly was none of my business. The only decent thing I could do was be a good friend and give him support.
He once took me to this place in Chelsea, the High Line. It was a sort reinvented railroad filled with lots of green areas and wide open space for outdoor activities. He said it was his new favorite place, a haven for modern art, an urban wonderland even.
It was after six, I believe. The breeze kept playing with his long black jet hair which I found very fascinating.
He smiled to break the silence.
"What?" I said laughing nervously.
"If I´m not mistaking you find me attractive. Everyone does. It´s strange that it happens now and not in my earlier years. I try hard not to think about the past. Do you?"
"Um, no."
"I can easily tell you´re one of those creatures like me because you don´t smile too often."
"Really?" I got startled, "I thought I was doing so well."
"You can pull off that trick but when you´re on your own it´s a whole different story."
"You read minds?"
"I like to read people like that old man over there. You can tell he´s anguished and has had a long day."
"I find it hard to let go of the past if that´s what you mean. But let´s not get so melancholic!"
"Sorry, I´ve been spacing out a lot lately I lose track of what I say."
"Tell me something and I do hope I´m not being too nosy," I said. "Do you still miss Daniel?"
He looked away and stopped walking, "It´s complex. I have mixed emotions."
"At least tell me one of them."
"It hurts."
When I looked at my phone it was past five. I hated when I had to wait too long because it made me more anxious. When I was in middle school it took hours for dad to pick me up and I felt like the unluckiest kid ever. Now it feels like the things that Adrian told me about myself were sinking in.
But this wasn´t about me! It was about someone who was careless, that´s all.
Just about when I was about to explode from desperation an Indian doctor emerged from the darkness.
"Are you friend or a relative of the patient?" he asked politely.
"Um, girlfriend," I said timidly.
"He´s stable now. We put him on antibiotics for the risk of an infection."
"I don´t understand completely," I said a bit concerned.
"We found a tearing in the esophagus which caused the internal bleeding."
"That´s sounds painful."
"It is."
"And how does something like that happen?"
"Well, it can be for many reasons. Do you know if he is under any medication?"
I had a flashback to that very same night I eavesdropped at the kitchen.
"I believe so but he told me they were just sleeping pills."
"Do you remember exactly?"
"No, not really but what does that have to do with the thing you said before?"
"Sometimes when medication is taken without precaution it can damage the esophagus. There was no record of any other disease that could have caused this. Sometimes it´s a consequence of certain habits."
I froze for a moment, "Such as?"
"Self-induced vomiting."
"You mean like ´those´ people?" I gulped and clenched my fists, "forgive me but that´s sort of extreme."
"Yes well, I don´t want to make any assumptions; you know him best. He needs to remain here for a few days but he will have to take some precautions from now on."
"Can I see him now?"
"Come this way."
Lis was sort of right. At least being a supportive friend sounded like a good idea, what else could I do? But wait a minute; aren´t friends supposed to tell each other everything? I was entering a dark place in Adrian´s life and I didn´t even know what it was. I had to ask him more questions for his own sake. I couldn´t let fear possess me now.
As I walked into the room I saw him with a very peaceful look, much better than a few hours ago. I took his left hand and talked to him in his sleep.
"Please help me understand what you´re going through. You didn´t prepare me for this, I thought you trusted me. And now this is all you do, run away from the ones who care about you? What am I supposed to do now?"
"Edie..." he answered with some effort.
"Oh my God, you´re alive!" I cried.
"What was that all about?"
"Um, you were listening?"
"I´m not sure if it was a dream...where am I?"
"You´re in the hospital. I found you lying on the floor in the living room but I´m not sure what happened before that."
"Damn," he said trying to move, "I was in a lot of pain; it got so bad I forgot where I was for a while. I hit the floor and began to throw up and then I think I saw blood and...and..."
"That´s okay; no need to be so graphic. Why didn´t you call me? I was upstairs."
"I did ask for help, you didn´t hear me?"
"No, only after you fell. So odd, though. Anyway, the point is I saved you so you kind of owe me."
"I suppose."
"You owe me the truth."
He sighed and looked away.
"What caused this thing? Because I know it´s not something that happens every day."
Adrian remained silent for a while. I knew it wouldn´t be easy to get it out of him.
"It´s fine. You can trust me. I´m not Daniel."
His thin brown eyes watered. "I have a self-destructive behavior," he began.
"I´m aware of that," I replied, "but what is it exactly?"
He failed to look at me but continued anyway, "I´ve been fighting this problem for years and I thought I wouldn´t go through this ever again! Then again the past comes back to haunt you and it´s simply because it hasn´t been resolved. Edie..."
He held my hand very tightly, "I´m bulimic."
"Okay, this is starting to get spooky."
"It´s not your fault, it´s mine. I don´t want to drag anyone into this Hell anymore. That isn’t my style."
"Stop saying it´s your fault!" I said as I got up. "It only makes things worse. You´ll never get better saying that."
"How would you know, Edie?"
"Because feeling sorry only causes you to punish yourself again and again. I couldn´t stand that. Am I being too dramatic?"
"Yes."
"Oh great! I always do that, being overprotective." I circled the room for a bit, "did Daniel know about this?"
"Yes."
"Is that the reason why you broke up?"
"Not exactly. One day he sort of got it out of me and we joked about it. I thought that by changing my attitude about my problem would help but apparently things went in a whole other direction."
"Why?"
"He told someone and then it spread all over my social networks. I was labeled as a "bad example" for society." You know how they are nowadays. You´re too thin, you´re too fat, you´re too popular, you´re a fake, you´re a faggot..."
"Oh, dear..."
"He said he didn´t mean it and apologized later but as we constantly fought we became more distant. So I finally, "this isn´t working out."
"And then what?"
"You already heard the rest."
"Do you still talk to him?"
"Sort of."
"So after that you relapsed."
"Yes, I had no idea it would end up like this. At first it made me feel good but when I´m down it feels like the bottom of Hell."
I went to his side and hugged him.
"Hey, don´t be so hard on yourself. Do you believe in fate?"
"I hardly believe in anything."
"You have to! I think fate brought us together for a reason. I know I may not resemble the love of your life but there are other ways in which we can connect."
"Fine. I feel tired and sore."
"Go ahead and rest all you need. I´ll go back to the apartment to check if everything´s in order. Luckily it didn´t turn into a crime scene."
"Thanks, Edie," he said as he closed his eyes.
It was roughly six AM when I headed back to the apartment back in Mercer Street. Even the guard at the door noticed me coming in at such a strange hour.
“Miss Paige!” he cried, “up so early?”
“Um, yeah. I came back to pick up some things. You see, my roomie had a little accident.”
“You mean Mr. Black?”
“That´s right!” I cried with a cynical tone.
“Forgive me for saying this but just a few hours ago my fellow worker told me there was an emergency that they called 911. Is everything alright?”
“He´s fine. He gave me quite a scare though.”
“He is rather peculiar, isn´t he?”
“Why, because of the way he looks?”
“No, I´ve grown used to seeing all kinds of extravagant people in this side of Manhattan but let´s say he doesn´t talk much. At least you´re trying to make a polite conversation.”
“He´s a bit of an introvert but he means no harm. That´s all I can assure you for now. Excuse me, I have to go.”
“Have a good day, Miss.”
I couldn´t complain about the place I lived in; the loft was incredibly spacious which suited an artist well. In fact, it reminded me for a while when I used to visit Grandma. That was probably the largest place I had ever been to.
I had my own room and so did Adrian and there was an extra one which he had planned to have occupied but he kept postponing it.
Just when I was about to enter the foyer my phone rang and it happened to be Lis again.
“So how did everything go?” she asked desperately, “did he make it?”
“Sure he did,” I said as I was struggling to hang up my green cardigan. “It wasn´t an overdose…”
“Oh wow, that´s impressive,” she said, “What was it really?”
"Don't tell anyone else, please! If he finds out he'll kill me, I swear."
"Really? Then don't tell me."
Lis always used reverse psychology with me since she was like five or six. I hated that.
"No, I should tell you because I might need your help." I sighed deeply, "It appears that all this time he had an eating disorder and I never fully realized it."
"Edie, that's even more awful than I thought!" she cried, "You never noticed it, not even a hint?"
"Perhaps but maybe I was too shy to ask. Besides, it's something very private."
"Yeah but there are ways that you can notice it."
"I'm sorry I'm not like you, okay? I'm naïve."
"I'm not mad at you, Edie. Boy, you never know what crazy bastards you might run into in this town. You'd be surprised the people I treat every day."
"Will you help me? You know..."
Lis was older than me and had a degree in psychology but I wasn´t sure if she would take this case. "I can't force him to come however you can persuade him and that could take some time."
"Great! How do I do that?"
"Use empathy, it always works. Connect with his pain and find a solution together. When he's ready I'll see how I can handle him."
I was too darn confused to put things in order. The first thing that came to mind was to have some breakfast; black coffee sounded fabulous.
Once I was done I circled the living room and noticed that Adrian had dropped his phone. Did he call someone before the incident or something? How come I didn't hear anything until he fainted? Was he lying to me? There were still things that didn't make sense like I was solving a giant puzzle.
When I was wiping some of the blood from the phone it accidentally unlocked. What, no password, no lock pattern?
The last thing he did was an unfinished post on his Facebook page which said,
"I'm a rabbit in your headlight, scared of the spotlight, you don't come to visit, I'm stuck in this bed."
I friended him long before I came to live here; he became exhausted from the social networks and posted less and less. This sounded more like a riddle or in the worst of cases a suicide note.
There was also a conversation about two days old that he had with Daniel and by the looks of it things got out of hand. This could have triggered his compulsive behavior.
Anyway I decided to bring it to him.
SoHo wasn´t a very welcoming neighborhood to me for I wasn´t used to so much glamour. Underneath it all stood this ancient building which, according to Adrian is haunted and has a fairly affordable rent.
He was spellbound with these streets because of their artistic legacy. Big names such as Warhol came here in the past to revolutionize modern art and turn into something even more profitable. But that was a long time ago; most of the art scene moved to Chelsea in the nineties and soon more galleries opened with great success, not to mention a popular stop for LGBTQ people.  That´s where I remember meeting Adrian and Daniel for the first time.
I spotted them in a collective show for I was already a fan of Mr. Black´s work. Oh, but don´t worry; I wasn´t your regular stalker. I was actually looking for some kind of mentor and he happened to be just right. Besides I fell in love with his style and not so much with his appearance.
I would leave that to Daniel Hyde. He was a model at the time, did things here and there. He acted like he was his possession and Adrian loved that; the feeling of being protected was something that he craved for.  He was never alone.
"I´m sorry! I think I got a bit carried away!" I cried as I was talking to my Uber driver, Tim who happened to be very cute.
"So your roomie´s in the hospital, right?"
"That´s right; St. Vincent down Greenwich Village."
"Got it.  I hope it was nothing serious."
"Sort of but he´ll get better soon.  He´s a tad careless and likes to work late. He says his greatest ideas come out at night."
"It could make sense," said Tim, "when you´re more relaxed it´s easier to think straight.  In the morning we´re usually thinking of mundane stuff like getting on time for work, making sure we don´t screw up so we hardly get inspired to do anything else."
"Probably. I´m a creative person myself but I learned other techniques, you know. I get my best ideas when I´m in a very good mood.!
"And now is a good time?"
"I´m still weirded out by this whole incident and now that you mention it what do you think about this phrase?"
And so I read the unfinished post from Adrian´s profile, 
"I'm a rabbit in your headlight, scared of the spotlight, you don't come to visit, I'm stuck in this bed."
Tim said right away, "Oh, those are the lyrics from a song of the same name by U.N.K.L.E sung by Thom Yorke."
"I´m sorry?"
"Thom Yorke, Radiohead, remember?"
"Yes, I´m a bit familiar with the band but I never heard this one before. And me thinking all this time it was a riddle and not a song."
"Your friend has good taste in music."
"Could it mean something else?"
"That´s where your creativity should kick in, Edith."
I didn´t want to become a private detective like on those shows where the guy cheats on his wife but I perused Adrian´s inbox and somewhere along the conversation he said,
"Now that I´m broken you don´t find me attractive anymore and you´re a hypocrite because you fell for my decadence. You could see it in my eyes, in my jaded voice like you were staring at Death itself yet I made it so much sweeter especially when I got between your round thighs."
Ok, that was enough.
For some reason the recepcionist bought the whole idea that I was Adrian´s girlfriend. His immediate family lived in a small city called Elyria in Ohio. I think it was somewhere around Cleveland. God, even the name sounded creepy.
When I went back into the room I noticed Adrian´s eyes were swollen and he was sobbing a bit.
"Hey big guy!" I called him that because he was taller than me. "What´s the matter?"
"Nothing, I had a bad dream after you went away."
"Oh, I´m sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about it?"
"I guess. It was so real..."
"Yep, dreams are like that sometimes. They mess with your mind a bit."
"He came to visit me, you know."
"Who? Oh, you mean, Danny boy."
"He came without notice. He didn´t look very pleased and I felt my heart racing because I missed him so much."
"I see, so then?"
"Even his kiss felt so real and it was a big turn-on. He jumped on top of me and I said panting,
"Do you want me even when I´m broken?" and he said yes. Then I felt something wasn´t right.
"You prefer to keep me this way because I´m vulnerable and helpless," I said.
Then he shouted, "You´re the one who started this sick game, you bastard!"
Then he broke in tears.
"Sweetie, it´s okay! It was just a dream! Calm down,  you need to get your strength back."
"Forgive me, Edith! I didn´t mean to put you through this. It´s not your fault but my own."
"Forget all that shit! I don´t care. You need to get therapy as soon as possible before you continue desmembering yourself."
"What?" he stopped sobbing.
"I talked to my sister Alice, Lis fo short about your situation and she said there was no problem treating you."
"I couldn´t do that."
"Listen, your mind is sick. Your body will heal, I swear but it won´t be enough. Besides, what am I gonna do in such a big place without you? Remember it´s haunted."
He laughed timidly.
"Damn. I guess I have no choice but to be stuck with the Paige sisters. Alice and Edith; why does it sound familiar?"
"Well, my mom always had a thing for the Alice In Wonderland books. They were inspired by the Liddells and she like the names of the sisters, Alice, Edith."
"Is she like the storybook Alice?"
I smiled, "Somewhat. She is very curious and questions everything. I think that´s why she likes to investigate."
"That would make me the White Rabbit."
"Um, why?"
"Because everyone wants to follow me but no one can catch me."
"Alright. I see you still have  a sense of humor."
"Is she older than you?"
"Yeah, about five years and that´s a huge difference. She is more mature than I am and no, she´s not blonde. She is a brunette with long legs."
"Great; she sounds more inviting by the minute."
I pulled his phone out of my pocket and handed it over, "By the way, you left this in the crime scene."
"I totally forgot. But I think I better not use it now; it triggers anxiety. The doctor explained it to me and I can´t control it right now I´ll relapse."
"Oh, so is there anything you had pending before you stopped using it?"
He sighed, "No, not that I recall."
Weird, so he knew nothing about the post? I tried to make him remember without getting caught spying on his conversations.
"Very well, doctor´s orders. I was listening to this particular song on the way here, Rabbit In Your Headlights."
Adrian paused, "Really? I don´t think it´s even from your generation but mine."
I laughed nervously.
"I don´t mean to sound like an old dude but it´s from the nineties so must have been a little girl back then, too young to be attached to alternative rock."
"I wouldn´t know!" I said as I raised my arms, "you tell me."
"So what about it?"
"It´s funny because just a few minutes ago you referred to yourself as The White Rabbit and I caught this old song mentioning one."
"Aw, I think it´s all coming back to me. I was going to post that. How did you know all this?"
"Coincidence?"
"Were you looking at my stuff by any chance?"
"Why would I?"
"Eh, I´m starting to see who´s the curious one around here...could you give me the phone then?"
"No way! It´s forbidden."
"Fine. Unlock it and post whatever was in there."
"Seriously?"
"I´m dead serious."
"May I ask who is directed to? I know how it goes; you´re trying to reach out to someone but you just can´t tell who it is."
"It´s him," he sighed.
"Adrian...you don´t need to bring him down here. Didn´t you just tell me about that awful vision?"
"You don´t understand, he won´t answer my messages! If I don´t talk to Daniel in person I´ll explode."
"Yeah but now, in your condition?"
"Please..."
I knew things wouldn´t get any prettier beyond this point and I didn´t want to become a partner in crime. Let´s just say that I was willing to go down the bottom of the rabbit hole.

Allow me to explain before I continue; Adrian was bisexual. I knew it but I never heard him use the term because he didn´t feel comfortable with it. He said he likes to fall in love with the person not the gender.
It´s silly because everyday I hear more famous people use those same words and it´s starting to become a trend. He never wanted to be labeled. What I know is that he used to hang out with the goth kids outside of school; the outcasts, right? As if it wasn´t redundant enough that his last name was Black and was clad most of the time in the same color. Lis told me that people who unconsciously dress in black are not necessarily evil; they´re going through a phase in their lives. When things get better, I guess they stop wearing it.
Growing up as a goth kid in the nineties wasn´t exactly paradise. If you add up the fact of being sexually confused could only make things worse.  That´s how it was for him.
Yet he said he never belonged in Elyria; a new life was waiting for him elsewhere. New York was the ideal place to unleash his imagination in the best way possible and who could blame him? Some of us don´t fit in and they make us feel miserable for that.
But that´s not a new story! We´ve seen it thousands of times so why would this one be any more relevant? Because every time I looked at Adrian´s paintings I could feel things others couldn´t; they were abstract most of the time. I would go home replenished and inspired. He seldom posted pictures of himself; I assumed he was kind of shy but after I heard the full story I was heart broken.
"There!" I cried, "it´s done. I could have called him as well."
"No, that would only make things more complicated. He might think I´m dating someone else."