BAD MANNERS (continued):

Are we done now?

No...not really, mom...I'm sorry, I can't continue, can I be excused?



I'm afraid you can't, my dear, this is for your own good, you need to finish or you won't get better...



But I am feeling better right now!



That's what you think but only I know that's not true...


Please...

"Adrian, wake up, wake up..."

"What happened?"

"You, um, I found you lying unconscious in your apartment. But it´s OK, you´re gonna be OK...I need to ask you something but you have to be totally honest with me."

"What?"

She embraced me tightly as I felt her deep sigh. She proceeded to examine every last bit of me, that looked very malnourished, "Why are you doing THIS?"

I paused. I couldn't believe she was still bringing this up...this was supposed to be SO over, so buried in the past, but it moved me and even clouded my eyes...I didn't have the heart to tell her.

"I...I'm trying very hard not to..."

"Dear God, Adrian, you just can't ...."

"I know, I know we've been through this before, but it's not that simple."

"Fine, I won't interfere like I said...it's your body anyway, besides this situation is making feel sort of guilty, and you know what? You're hurting yourself, not me or anyone else....it feels like you're going round in circles."

"I can´t stop. Every time I look at myself in the mirror it´s the same goddamn nightmare."

"But sweetie, you look great, don´t you think the same way? No, apparently, not..."

"No, no,no, it´s not that...it´s..."

"Well then what is it?"

Now my eyes became cloudier and I curled up to one side of the bed, but God, why did it feel so empty? I was truly besieged with her comments, so intimidating, scrutinizing...I felt truly filthy and cold.

"I don´t regret what I did...because it helped me realize something."

"What´s that?"

"I didn´t like who I was back there, that´s all, but now that I look at you I wanna be born again."

"That´s...that´s so sweet."

"No, kid, you are sweet, I'm the Devil." Why would someone like her want to stay with me? I was becoming too self destructive and volatile to jump into another relationship...then again maybe that's exactly what I needed.