That cry for help morphed into what I see right now as The White Rabbit, he seems like a tiny spirit or spectre in my head.
I feel minimal in this room thus I felt tonight the need to become stronger, how was I to know that such strength would come from inside me in the form of this trickster I would rather prefer to on drugs right now, oh wait, I was.
Blue ambience surrounded me, I was weeping, just like the last time I dreamed these horrid things in this house.
Silly me, I had the desire to go into automatic mode, automatic for the people but not to the one I love, not her! Maybe it was the need to escape all the pressures but they're not that big, no, maybe it was because of my physical weakness. A collection of ailments have been invading me for the last two weeks. This sounded more like summoning the White Rabbit to cover me for the night and I did unconsciously, so if I did this on purpose maybe I could undo it, right?
But no, it seemed that I invoked some kind of mental magic I couldn't control. He was supposed to help me, not to screw up everything.
"Are you talking to yourself, Adrian? You don't need to do that, there's lots of people here!" said some brunette girl with a very short flickering dress.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I must have been doing something on automatic mode," I said as I held a glass with a very mysterious milky green content.
"I'm sorry?"
"Yes, it's a kind of situation that happens when your unconscious mind is speaking freely."
"Ah, I see...well, I can introduce to other engaging activities."
"Such as?"
"Talking to real life people like myself, of course."
"I'm sorry and who might you be?"
"I'm Debbie, Droogie's cousin? I actually went to your show last year and told her about you, I guess you can call it some kind of accidental matchmaker."
"Do you always do that for her?"
"Oh no! Don't get me wrong, it's just that we're so used to be around you know, artsy people, that's all."
"Artsy people, how come you're not dating some random rockstar?"
"Oh, we can do that any day of the week! But seriously, we' re just like, you know, talent scouts."
"You want me so badly to join your sinister group?"
"Well, it's not that we're forcing you or anything like that," said this wide eyed girl.
"I know, but you seem very inviting that it looks like an offer I can't refuse. By the way, you are aware that I have a girlfriend."
"Oh, that's not a problem but she's gotta understand that your life is never gonna be like, like..."
"Predictable and boring just like everybody else's?"
"Well, yes, but, if you don't mind me asking this, what is she doing in your life?"
Suddenly there came a flashback, about three years ago when I just started dating Edith. I brought her over to my place and we discussed this over dinner.
"I don't deserve to be around you, I'm sorry." I said.
"Why are you saying that? You're acting as if you had very low self-esteem." said she.
"No, it's not that, I'm being totally open and sincere."
"Actually the way I see it is that you're judging yourself very heavily, how did you ever come to this conclusion?"
I gave a deep, deep sigh and hoped that she'd dumped me as fast as she could, but then, "I was texted recently, and..."
"And..."
"It's an old wound that hasn't closed yet. An ex."
"And..."
"It's not a girl."
"Oh...oh..."
"Don't hate me, but it was just a phase..."
"And when were you gonna tell me this?"
"This is the part that I hate the most when I'm around girls like you."
"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You're so much more different and I feel safe around you, really safe, but keeping him out of my life is not gonna be that simple. I want you for all the right reasons."
"I don't hate you, Adrian, an ex is an ex, it's just a little awkward that you jumped from one type of relationship to another like a 360 degree spin or something. I would just ask you one thing though, why me?"
"Because I feel things with you that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I've been living in neglect, self destroying and emotionally crashing all the goddamn time. But then you came along it was like a blessing and I appreciate little things like those. You're the best thing that has happened to me so far. And to show you I'm really serious I'd be willing to make you a portrait."
"And how does that change anything?"
"Because everyone who knows my work knows that I don't normally do it because I'm too superstitious."
"Well, if you did that I'd be flattered but you sure have a weird way of showing that you really care about me."
"And did you paint her portrait?" said Debbie staring at me as if she was glued to my conversation. We went upstairs to the handsomely decorated rooftop.
"No, I didn't; she stopped talking to me for weeks, I guess the thing that scared her off was the fact that I was bi."
"That's reasonable, but I think that makes you super extra special, or sexy, even..."
"So what made her come back to you?"
"Oh...that's a story for another day. I just wanna forget tonight."
"Al-right!" cried Debbie as she reached out to hug me like I was some sort of paternal figure, how old was she anyway?
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